I Am What I Am

The kids and I were driving home from visiting a new park. I said that I wasn't sure I wanted to go to that park again. Z asked the ubiquitous "Why?"
Me: "There were a lot of people there."
Z: "Why?"
Me: "I don't know, it's a popular park, I guess. But that was too many people for me."
Z: "Why?"
I paused....
"Well, buddy, because I'm an introvert."
Z paused....
"Mama, I'm a truck!"

I've been reading a book called "Introvert Advantage" by Marti Olsen Laney, and it has been helping me understand some things better. Since 75% of the world are extroverts, being an introvert can make you feel like the odd-one-out. And there are all kinds of labels people throw on introverts like shy, quiet, self-focused, reserved. Here are some words from the book:
"The primary difference between extroverts and introverts is how they recharge their batteries. Extroverts spend energy freely and often have trouble slowing down. They can refresh themselves easily by doing something in the outer world. Introverts, on the other hand, are energized by the internal world - by ideas, impressions, and emotions. Their focus is inside their heads."

I've known since high school that I was an introvert. My entire immediate family are also introverts, so I think we had a good rhythm for our house and allowing each other space. I didn't really mind being an introvert until it started to make me feel really different from my very best friends. Three out of four of my closest friends in high school are extroverts. And at least two of them are probably on the extreme end of extroverted-ness. There were lots of times I would notice myself shutting down and wonder what was wrong with me. A weekend together was really exhausting but I didn't have the consciousness or self-discipline to take care of myself by taking breaks. I was often confused how I could feel so tired after doing something I loved (hanging out with friends).

By the time I was in the thick of my career I had more understanding about my abilities and limits and I was able to balance the intensity of work with recharging time (usually meaning alone time). There was quite a bit of alone time built into my day- the drive to and from work, time spent at the computer, chores at home, etc. There were times I would need some space from John when I got home, but we were able to work through that really quickly. And it didn't take much- just fifteen minutes to change my clothes, wash my hands, tie my hair back.

And then came children. The interaction with them, from the sweet and precious to the obnoxious and frustrating, DRAINS me. There are little people around ALL THE TIME. And they are very needy. And noisy. What's an introvert to do? There are lots of good tips in the book, but the ones I'm working on the most are:

1. Taking your temperament temperature. Being aware of what I can handle and not over-booking myself. Watching for the natural ebbs and flows in my energy and not expecting myself to do exhausting social things when I'm already low on energy. And, this is especially important, not feeling bad about saying no. This can be a little harder if your spouse is an extrovert, which I'm pretty sure mine is, although he is still denying it. I have a hard time saying no when I view it as holding John back. But we're starting to come up with more creative ways to handle things, like he goes early or stays late. Or I make sure I get some alone time prior to going out.

2. Re-charging. I already knew I needed alone time, but this book had some good ideas for things to do when you only have fifteen minutes or half an hour. Some of my favorites: staring off into space (I especially like to do this sitting on my front porch), doing a crossword puzzle, looking at a funny website or reading a magazine article. I've even had John drive the kids home after my Mom's house so I can have twenty minutes of quiet.

3. Be Kind, Don't Rewind. I love this snappy saying in the book. Introverts tend to go back over events and analyze (and often criticize) everything they said. (Extroverts are more critical of their actions.) It's all about how introverts process experiences and information. We have to compare things to the past, present and future to put it in a context that is important to us. One way we do this is by thinking things over again and again. But if the internal voice is critical, then it's not helping! Sometimes you gotta tell yourself to put a sock in it! And what's funny is that the words you think were so wrong probably weren't even noticed by most of the others (at least the extroverts, probably!). You can't let this internal critic make you fearful of sharing/talking/socializing in the future.

Anyway, just a few things I've been learning. I'll leave you with a link to this test for introversion/extroversion. You might surprise yourself!
Fun Test- Introvert/Extrovert