I thought I'd write a little about our first week of Harper's life and what I did in regards to starting a routine. A lot of people think there is no point in trying to work on a routine at first, but I've had good results doing that with both kids now (wow, I can't believe I have two kids!). So, here is what I did:
Day 1: Breastfed baby as soon as possible (with a c-section this was about 30-45 minutes after they were born). My goal was to have them nurse at least 5 minutes on each side. Harper was a champ and nursed for 20 minutes or more on each side. I let her go as long as she could/would, figuring the stimulation was good for getting the milk to come in, and not knowing how much she would do later since newborns tend to crash into slumber land an hour or so after they are born.
Day 1-3: I fed Harper (and Z) on both sides for 10-15 minutes every three hours. If they woke up before three hours and gave the hunger signals (rooting, opening and shutting their mouth, licking lips), I would feed them sooner. Usually when they woke up before three hours, it was about 2- 2 1/2 hours. I focused on getting a good long feeding when I did feed them. Again, good for milk stimulation and for the baby, to get used to feeding a full meal (as opposed to a snack).
Approx. Day 3 or When Milk Comes In: When my milk came in (I actually used a pump to confirm, but that's probably not necessary. Usually you KNOW when the milk comes in, because it hurts, i.e., feels really full), I switched to feeding the baby on one side at a time. I aimed for 20 minutes or so, again, to focus on a full feeding. The advantages of using one side at a time are that it helps ensure the baby gets the full spectrum of milk goodness from the thin foremilk to the thick and creamy hindmilk. Also, it was helpful for me because with Z I got extremely engorged and it took almost a week to get better (where it wasn't painful pretty much all the time) and I had over productive or over active letdown. One solution for both is to feed every other side so that there is more time between feedings on that side, which slows down the production. Naturally, this wouldn't necessarily be the answer for someone who is having trouble with their milk supply, so be sure to talk to your doctor/nurses/lactation consultant.
Day 4 - 7: Still working on full feedings and aiming for 3 hour increments. I also picked my start time for the day and worked on getting the 3 hour increments started with that. There was a day or so I had to adjust the routine by increments to get there. That was especially necessary with Z who was very vocal about getting fed. Harper is more laid back and I have to mostly wake her up to eat, so it wasn't hard to let her sleep an extra half hour to get to the time I wanted.
Also, as always, watching for hunger cues for less than 3 hours. Especially in the first week, the baby should eat whenever they are hungry. The trick sometimes is knowing that they are hungry. I had a few times I fed Harper after only 2 hours. She ate okay, but not as much as usual. I think she was just needing soothing; she likes to suck, so the pacifier has been a help with that. She generally spits it out after a few minutes of strong sucking. Unless she starts working her mouth and fussing, I don't put it back in. I'm hoping this will help us avoid the baby crack issue Z had.
Post Day 7: At this point, I would probably be letting Harper go as long as she can at night. I'm waiting for her 2-week checkup this Friday to confirm she has gained her birth weight back. Then I'll go ahead with letting her go as long as she can, although probably not longer than 5 hours for breastfeeding reasons.
So far, I have let her go 4 - 4 1/2 hours in the middle of the night, but I shortened the interval on the feedings on either side to 2 1/2 hours so that I could land better on my 7am start time. As of now, Harper's routine is a feeding at 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, 7pm, 10pm, 1am, 4am and back to 7am. Her sleeping is usually 1 - 1 1/2 hours after she wakes up to feed, for example, 8:15 or 8:30am for her first feeding of the day. This means she feeds for about an hour (which should be more like 45 minutes but I'm still working on that. She is a sleepy one!) and then is up for 15 minutes or so, depending on if she is giving me sleepy signals (such as yawning, blank stare in one place, etc.). Then, she sleeps for 1 1/2 - 2 hours.
Okay, so a typical feeding goes like this:
> 7am: Harper wakes up and we settle down to eat.
> 7:10am: after a good strong showing for ten minutes, Harper usually takes a break. I burp her and then she instantly falls asleep.
> 7:20/7:30am: I do all kinds of maneuvers to wake her up including rubbing hands and feet, changing diapers, sitting her up, taking off her clothing. This girl can sleep! She usually does 5 more minutes.
> 7:45am: I start to give up that she'll eat, so I get up to put her in a chair or change her diaper (if I haven't already). This is usually when she works on a poo. After that, I try one more time and she eats another 5 minutes or so.
> 8:00am/8:15am: Finish feeding and put her on a blanket or in a chair for some awake time. Z immediately jumps up to "entertain" her.
So, like I said, I'm working on making the feedings last only 45 minutes total including interruptions. And, I have to admit in full disclosure that I've let the start time for the day slip to 7:30am. It has been easy to switch her back to 7am when I need it, but I'm treading on thin ice, I think, with that one. So, starting tomorrow, I'm recommitting to the 7am wake time. Not picking a consistent start time for the day was a mistake I made last time.
Starting the Bottle: With Z, I started the bottle when he was 3 days old or so. With Harper, I waited more than a week, mostly because I just didn't get to it sooner. Both kids took well to the bottle, but I have to watch that they don't drink it too fast. Z was an epic hurler/spit up king. We fed him his first bottle and he drank it in about 4 minutes. We were pleased with our results. Then he spit it all back up. Harper is doing well with the bottle, but she did seem to have a little more gas with it, so we just have to watch that and burp her lots. Oh, and I tried to find a nipple that most closely resembled my nipple, which was a tip from a lactation consultant. And, I am very careful about getting the baby to have the right latch on a bottle just as on me. Don't want bad habits on the bottle coming back to bite me (kind of literally!).
Wow, that was a lot of info. Not entertaining stuff, but perhaps helpful for a new Mom out there somewhere. I remember feeling like no one ever gave me enough details with the questions I had. More on the aligning of Z and Harper's routine later.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Smothering Affection
Z has truly embraced his new role as a big brother. He is extremely affectionate with Harper and wants to kiss her and cuddle all the time. He isn't grasping the concept that resting his head (gigantic! compared to Harper) on Harper's little body is not a good idea.
But I am thankful that he is loving and not overtly jealous. We have seen an increase in whining and crying in the last few days. I'm thinking he's figured out this is the new way of life and is a little upset that he doesn't have Mom and Dad's complete attention all of the time. We are trying to be firm about no tantrums while also extending some grace that he is adjusting still. John is doing a fantastic job keeping Z very busy and Z is LOVING it. I have occasional moments of panic about how I'm going to manage when John is back to work. This week I'm going to start thinking through that and do some planning. I'll post on routines sometime soon.
Here is a picture of loving big brother and long-suffering baby sister:
But I am thankful that he is loving and not overtly jealous. We have seen an increase in whining and crying in the last few days. I'm thinking he's figured out this is the new way of life and is a little upset that he doesn't have Mom and Dad's complete attention all of the time. We are trying to be firm about no tantrums while also extending some grace that he is adjusting still. John is doing a fantastic job keeping Z very busy and Z is LOVING it. I have occasional moments of panic about how I'm going to manage when John is back to work. This week I'm going to start thinking through that and do some planning. I'll post on routines sometime soon.
Here is a picture of loving big brother and long-suffering baby sister:
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Praise
Considering yesterday morning, when I broke down in tears (okay, sobs) because I couldn't get the coffee machine to work, I decided to focus my mind today on a Psalm.
Harper literally means "one who plays the harp," but I'm thankful for a more inspirational translation I found in one book that said it meant "instrument of praise." I pray that her life is full of praise for the Lord and joy at His works. I also pray that she will be a reminder to me in these next few months when I feel like I'm losing my mind from sleep-deprivation, and, oh yeah, when the coffee machine doesn't work.
It is good to praise the Lord
and make music to your name, O Most High,
to proclaim your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night,
to the music of the ten-stringed lyre
and the melody of the harp.
Psalm 92:1-3
Harper literally means "one who plays the harp," but I'm thankful for a more inspirational translation I found in one book that said it meant "instrument of praise." I pray that her life is full of praise for the Lord and joy at His works. I also pray that she will be a reminder to me in these next few months when I feel like I'm losing my mind from sleep-deprivation, and, oh yeah, when the coffee machine doesn't work.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Birth Experience- An Analysis
I've been processing Harper's birth for the past few days. Details pop into my head and as I'm remembering them I, of course, think back to Z's birth also. Overall, Harper's birth was much easier. John and I both felt more present in the moment and less anxious (that is not to say we weren't some anxious).
The waiting and prep time before surgery went pretty quickly. I was in a labor and delivery room and they put me on a monitor, took lots of vitals, hooked me up to an IV. I answered questions about medicines I was taking during pregnancy about three or four times. I told them my weight and height. I told them no, no illegal drugs or smoking.
I thought the waiting would build up the anxiety, but I successfully distracted myself with a pocket solitaire game and a book. I told my Mom and John that I was anxious about the epidural. The first time it surprised me how much it hurt and that was when there was a whole bunch of pain I wanted taken away. I told John I wanted him to hold my hand and remind me to breathe. It turns out that family members can't be near when you get the epidural (at least at my hospital, for liability reasons). I was upset about that, but I think it actually made me toughen up a little. There was a very nice nurse who did stay by me and reminded me to breathe. It was painful, but really not that bad. It is probably more a mental thing to think about needles and spine in the same sentence. Once it was over, I did break down and cry. The anesthesiologist was very confused about that since I suppose he is used to taking away pain. Between sobs I explained that I needed to get the tension out. The nurse and my Mom managed to translate that thought for him. (smile)
Once the epidural was done, they moved me pretty quickly into the operating room. The second big thing I was worried about was the shaking during the c-section. The last time, that was the thing that sent me into hyperventilating. I was hopeful it wouldn't happen this time but it did- pretty much right after the epidural. As much as I wanted to put my mind over the matter, it really bothered me this time also. The harder you try to stop it, the more it takes over. I had asked my doctor about it in an earlier appointment and was vocal enough about it this time that my doctor asked the anesthesiologist to help with it. He gave me a sedative which did pretty much stop it. Of course, it also made me really sleepy. I didn't want to miss out on the big reveal (so to speak) so I told John to be sure I was awake when they brought her out. Nurses and doctors tried to talk to me a little during the surgery but they soon figured out from my rolling eyes and slurred speech that I wasn't up for chit chat.
When the moment came, I was awake and even lifted my head to see my baby daughter being pulled up and out into the world. She was very pink with her arms and legs spread out as if to say, "ta da!" She cried (although not right away) and I heard them working on her over in the corner of the room. I heard them say something about a 9 AGPAR score and I honestly felt a little smug. Heh. I'm such an overachiever. Then John brought her over so I could see her.
There are a few moments in your life where you feel like everything stops. Everything drops away except for you and your moment. I looked at her and felt like she was the whole reason I was here on this earth. I felt like she was the most perfect thing I had ever seen. I felt like I would do anything in the world to make her safe and happy. It was just me and her and that was all I would ever need.
This was the bonding moment I had heard some women talk about. The earth-shaking moment of becoming a Mom and feeling that the whole world had changed. I didn't feel anything remotely close to it with Z. The feelings of motherly affection and protection took weeks and even months to build. When I first saw him I felt only relief that he was alive and breathing and the ordeal was over. I am so extremely thankful to have had this moment with Harper. I know that a big part of that was due to the circumstances. Z came suddenly and with a lot of worry. Harper came with a lot of planning and hopeful expectation.
Also, I can see how being a Mom to Z has taught me how to be a Mom to Harper. It took time to learn and grow in my motherly role for Z. I had to learn HOW to love him: physically, verbally, emotionally. He gave me a vocabulary of love for a child that I now have for Harper. It doesn't feel awkward or different anymore; it's just who I am. Z also gave John and I the first-time parent experience that is special and exhilarating, but also full of anxiety. Every new parent worries. About everything. Eating, sleeping, pooping, red spots on his face, flakes on his scalp. Will I be good at this? Will he be a good kid? Will I be able to keep him from pain. Z worked us soft and supple like a baseball glove. Harper gets the benefit of more relaxed, immediately affectionate parents.
Z brought baby sister a present when he visited the hospital: a little bib that says little sister. Although I'm sure Harper will one day appreciate the chocolate brown bib with adorable pink applique, she will always enjoy the gift that only a big brother can give.
The waiting and prep time before surgery went pretty quickly. I was in a labor and delivery room and they put me on a monitor, took lots of vitals, hooked me up to an IV. I answered questions about medicines I was taking during pregnancy about three or four times. I told them my weight and height. I told them no, no illegal drugs or smoking.
I thought the waiting would build up the anxiety, but I successfully distracted myself with a pocket solitaire game and a book. I told my Mom and John that I was anxious about the epidural. The first time it surprised me how much it hurt and that was when there was a whole bunch of pain I wanted taken away. I told John I wanted him to hold my hand and remind me to breathe. It turns out that family members can't be near when you get the epidural (at least at my hospital, for liability reasons). I was upset about that, but I think it actually made me toughen up a little. There was a very nice nurse who did stay by me and reminded me to breathe. It was painful, but really not that bad. It is probably more a mental thing to think about needles and spine in the same sentence. Once it was over, I did break down and cry. The anesthesiologist was very confused about that since I suppose he is used to taking away pain. Between sobs I explained that I needed to get the tension out. The nurse and my Mom managed to translate that thought for him. (smile)
Once the epidural was done, they moved me pretty quickly into the operating room. The second big thing I was worried about was the shaking during the c-section. The last time, that was the thing that sent me into hyperventilating. I was hopeful it wouldn't happen this time but it did- pretty much right after the epidural. As much as I wanted to put my mind over the matter, it really bothered me this time also. The harder you try to stop it, the more it takes over. I had asked my doctor about it in an earlier appointment and was vocal enough about it this time that my doctor asked the anesthesiologist to help with it. He gave me a sedative which did pretty much stop it. Of course, it also made me really sleepy. I didn't want to miss out on the big reveal (so to speak) so I told John to be sure I was awake when they brought her out. Nurses and doctors tried to talk to me a little during the surgery but they soon figured out from my rolling eyes and slurred speech that I wasn't up for chit chat.
When the moment came, I was awake and even lifted my head to see my baby daughter being pulled up and out into the world. She was very pink with her arms and legs spread out as if to say, "ta da!" She cried (although not right away) and I heard them working on her over in the corner of the room. I heard them say something about a 9 AGPAR score and I honestly felt a little smug. Heh. I'm such an overachiever. Then John brought her over so I could see her.
There are a few moments in your life where you feel like everything stops. Everything drops away except for you and your moment. I looked at her and felt like she was the whole reason I was here on this earth. I felt like she was the most perfect thing I had ever seen. I felt like I would do anything in the world to make her safe and happy. It was just me and her and that was all I would ever need.
This was the bonding moment I had heard some women talk about. The earth-shaking moment of becoming a Mom and feeling that the whole world had changed. I didn't feel anything remotely close to it with Z. The feelings of motherly affection and protection took weeks and even months to build. When I first saw him I felt only relief that he was alive and breathing and the ordeal was over. I am so extremely thankful to have had this moment with Harper. I know that a big part of that was due to the circumstances. Z came suddenly and with a lot of worry. Harper came with a lot of planning and hopeful expectation.
Also, I can see how being a Mom to Z has taught me how to be a Mom to Harper. It took time to learn and grow in my motherly role for Z. I had to learn HOW to love him: physically, verbally, emotionally. He gave me a vocabulary of love for a child that I now have for Harper. It doesn't feel awkward or different anymore; it's just who I am. Z also gave John and I the first-time parent experience that is special and exhilarating, but also full of anxiety. Every new parent worries. About everything. Eating, sleeping, pooping, red spots on his face, flakes on his scalp. Will I be good at this? Will he be a good kid? Will I be able to keep him from pain. Z worked us soft and supple like a baseball glove. Harper gets the benefit of more relaxed, immediately affectionate parents.
Z brought baby sister a present when he visited the hospital: a little bib that says little sister. Although I'm sure Harper will one day appreciate the chocolate brown bib with adorable pink applique, she will always enjoy the gift that only a big brother can give.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Introducing... Harper Joy
She was born February 12th at 8:02 am. She is
We think she looks a lot like, but not exactly like, Z when he was born.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Last Post Before Baby Girl
This is the last time I'll post before baby girl arrives. I can't believe it. Only two more nights sleeping with a gigantic belly. Only two more nights of getting up to go pee; then I'll be getting up to feed the baby.
Z and I enjoyed our time together today. He took an hour bath (play time) and I just tried to memorize his little body. When I get home with baby girl he's really going to look like a big boy.
Looking forward to my next post, when I can introduce you all to our little baby girl. Thank you for your prayers for a safe delivery.
Z and I enjoyed our time together today. He took an hour bath (play time) and I just tried to memorize his little body. When I get home with baby girl he's really going to look like a big boy.
Looking forward to my next post, when I can introduce you all to our little baby girl. Thank you for your prayers for a safe delivery.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Really? Less than 72 Hours?
Okay, really? This Thursday? I can't believe it. I can, but I can't. On one hand I'm thinking just about the surgery and getting through that. And then I think about the epic exhaustion that comes with a new baby. And then I remember I get to see my baby girl this week. I get to hold her and touch her little head and see her face. I get to see John hold his daughter and melt. I get to see Z get excited about the new baby and be proud of being a big brother (although I'm not holding my breath for this moment to come the first time they meet).
There are so many wonderful things to look forward to but it's hard to see past the pain I know is coming (physical, emotional, mental). I have tomorrow to spend with Z and enjoy my last moments with just him. I'm going to try to focus on that and not let myself get lost in thinking through Thursday and the few days after that. And then Wednesday is very busy with activities (fun ones) so that will help keep me from brooding or worrying. And maybe it will wear me out enough I'll be able to sleep on Wednesday night.
And then comes 5:30am Thursday morning. Reporting for duty.
There are so many wonderful things to look forward to but it's hard to see past the pain I know is coming (physical, emotional, mental). I have tomorrow to spend with Z and enjoy my last moments with just him. I'm going to try to focus on that and not let myself get lost in thinking through Thursday and the few days after that. And then Wednesday is very busy with activities (fun ones) so that will help keep me from brooding or worrying. And maybe it will wear me out enough I'll be able to sleep on Wednesday night.
And then comes 5:30am Thursday morning. Reporting for duty.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Seven Days To Go
I'm feeling better than two days ago. Some days the exhaustion is worse than others and today is a good day. Z has started waking up early and in the middle of naps screaming and crying. I think it is partly his sense of the change coming. This afternoon he is taking a good, long nap and I can't believe how much that helps me. I also can't believe I'm going to be starting the baby thing all over again in just a week.
Something that happened today did give me a boost. I went to visit a group speech therapy program for Z. I've heard very good things about it so I was eager to have a look. They graciously hurried things along because I told them the baby was coming in a week. I really liked the program and Z will be starting really soon. It was a small group with a speech therapist and an assistant. They did lots of different activities, such as free play, circle time with songs, simple crafts and play gym time. And the whole time they are emphasizing words and getting the kids to verbalize while playing. Z was very responsive and the therapist was encouraging that she thought he would respond really well.
The group meets twice a week for an hour and a half. I'll be taking advantage of John being home for three weeks after the baby is born to take him there. A parent does have to stay there for the session (although they aren't actively involved). I realize this is going to be a challenge with a newborn, but I guess the benefit of baby number two is that I know it won't be any easier than it is when they are very little and more mobile. I feel strongly that this is a really good opportunity for Z to grow and learn. We'll work it out. Parents do this with babies and kids in preschool all the time, right? I'm thankful it is only a ten minute drive away. Now I just have to sit down and think through the routine I'm planning for with the two kids. I'll save that for another day.
Something that happened today did give me a boost. I went to visit a group speech therapy program for Z. I've heard very good things about it so I was eager to have a look. They graciously hurried things along because I told them the baby was coming in a week. I really liked the program and Z will be starting really soon. It was a small group with a speech therapist and an assistant. They did lots of different activities, such as free play, circle time with songs, simple crafts and play gym time. And the whole time they are emphasizing words and getting the kids to verbalize while playing. Z was very responsive and the therapist was encouraging that she thought he would respond really well.
The group meets twice a week for an hour and a half. I'll be taking advantage of John being home for three weeks after the baby is born to take him there. A parent does have to stay there for the session (although they aren't actively involved). I realize this is going to be a challenge with a newborn, but I guess the benefit of baby number two is that I know it won't be any easier than it is when they are very little and more mobile. I feel strongly that this is a really good opportunity for Z to grow and learn. We'll work it out. Parents do this with babies and kids in preschool all the time, right? I'm thankful it is only a ten minute drive away. Now I just have to sit down and think through the routine I'm planning for with the two kids. I'll save that for another day.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Nine Days To Go
How can nine days seem so far away? This week stretches out in front of me like an ocean with no land in sight. I'm sure most women feel this way at the end. It feels like my limbs are filled with sand. I wake up feeling weary rather than rested. Even getting up to get Z more milk or answer the phone seems like a major effort. Usually eating helps me feel better but I don't feel hungry, and when I do eat, the tiniest portion fills me up. And then there are the times when baby girl decides to knee me in the stomach or intestines. I thought I was past the nauseous trimester.
So, I'm taking today as a sick day. No lists, no chores, no cleaning up. Lots of television for Z. Maybe we'll drive to the park, because walking a block seems like a lot. I'm trying really hard not to project the future and imagine our days once baby comes. Even though having a newborn is hard, at least you're on the road to healing and recovery. It will get better. Just like these nine days will pass.
Thanks for listening to me complain. It feels better to admit I feel like crap so I can give myself a break today.
So, I'm taking today as a sick day. No lists, no chores, no cleaning up. Lots of television for Z. Maybe we'll drive to the park, because walking a block seems like a lot. I'm trying really hard not to project the future and imagine our days once baby comes. Even though having a newborn is hard, at least you're on the road to healing and recovery. It will get better. Just like these nine days will pass.
Thanks for listening to me complain. It feels better to admit I feel like crap so I can give myself a break today.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)