Harper: One Year Old

Warning-- Gush alert...

My little sweet girl is one year old! Harper continues to exude her middle name, Joy. I love getting to know her personality as she becomes more expressive and able to communicate. Every time she turns her hands up (like she's offering you a delicate plate of tea cakes) in her "all done" sign, my heart melts. She scoots/crawls around like a little monkey with one leg tucked under her and the other foot out in front pulling her along. She is getting very quick at this crawl and loves to insert herself in whatever Z is doing at any given moment. Harper will often crawl over to my or John's legs, grab hold and bury her little face into a shin or calf. Her favorites sounds to make are "teh"- like a soft push of air through her teeth, and "mama" and "da" (with the long "a" like cat).

Harper is curious and likes to explore although she tends to stick to toys, books and swinging doors. She does not show the same fascination Z had for electric cords, thankfully. She does like to get into a cabinet in the kitchen she's not allowed. I tell her no and she gives me the most charming "who me" smile you've ever seen. A lot of the time she'll stop when I say no. She easily moves on to other interests. Sometimes she'll throw a mini-fit when I take something away. There is no more appropriate phrase than tempest in a teapot. She throws her head back, sheds a few tears and then, pop, as if the lid went back on the teapot, she's off to find something else to do. This is highly amusing although I have to stop laughing at this highly unacceptable behavior (hee hee).

Harper's favorite game is for me to chase her. I tell her I'm gonna get her and I make sounds on the wood floor behind her. She looks at me, sticks her tongue out and then scampers off to get away. When I finally catch her and grab her around the middle, her giggle sounds like bubbles percolating up through her throat. I can't get enough of that giggle. I can't say enough about my precious, sweet, fun little girl.

Here are some pictures from birthday festivities:
She was not impressed with what her Papa called a gratuitous American birthday tradition.


Her chubby little hands enjoyed mushing the frosting, though.


She's just started to push things and walk behind them. We see this tongue-out expression often. :)

Job Performance Feedback

When I stopped working full time and became a stay-at-home mom, I knew that I would no longer get the feedback on my work that you get in a career job. I knew there would be no more performance evaluations or awards or raises. Getting praise for my work was very important to me and I wanted to know I was doing a good job and feel accomplishment.

In motherhood the feedback comes in smaller, less obvious ways. It's rarely in a verbal form from someone else, but I might see some changes or improvements in Z's behavior. Or I might realize that something I struggled with is no longer a struggle. I see it the most when I have markers to highlight changes. For example, when I compare Z's two-year checkup with his three-year checkup, I can see Z's growth summarized in an hour-long contrast. At two years I had a very hard time keeping Z calm in the exam room. I did everything I could to entertain him and he was still whiney and upset most of the time. When the doctor came in he tried to get out of the room. He hid in the corner and just stared at the doctor. It took a lot of coaxing to get the exam done. I remember being very worried about his minimal speech and frustrated that I couldn't understand what he needed. At three years we had a good time in the exam room. We read together and watched the cars outside. When the doctor came in, he sat calmly on the exam table and was very curious about her tools. He talked to the doctor and wasn't the least bit shy or nervous. Although I can't say that the improvement is really a direct result of my parenting, because age and development are a part of it, I can at least feel good that I'm helping Z along the way. I can say to myself that I'm doing a good job.

Yesterday, I had the uncommon experience of having a lot of feedback all in one day. I talked about depression at our MOPS meeting. Not only did I see the other women connecting to what I was saying while I was talking, I also got a lot of comments about it afterward. I'm so thankful it was helpful to others. I really feel like the Lord is using my experience to encourage others. What a great feeling!
And then, I had my family over for dinner last night to celebrate Harper's birthday. Everyone is usually complimentary of my cooking, but my brother specifically said, "You do good work." Something about the phrasing made it stick in my head more than usual. And then, after everyone had left, John said, "Thank you for doing such a great job on Harper's birthday." That felt really great! It told me that he noticed the time I took to decorate and make special heart-shaped cupcakes and so on.

What a great day! Besides the feeling of accomplishment, I also just felt happy! Happy! Celebrating our little girl made me so thankful and joyful. She is such a treasure and I'm enjoying her so much. I have so much to be thankful for, including the ability to feel thankful. Hallelujah! Thank you, Heavenly Father.

The Sunny Side of the Street

I'm still thrilled that the medicine is really helping and I feel like myself again.

This past week was a little challenging because I have a cold and sinus infection. I had to call John home early from work one day. It felt reminiscent of the "dark time" but I'm glad I was able to ask for help. And even more thankful that it really was just the sickness and not the feelings of depression coming back. I just got medicine for the sinus infection today and I'm imagining how great I will feel when I'm over that. Yeah!

Plus, things are picking up again as I start up MOPS again every other Wednesday and I'm going to start working more and we're starting a music class on Monday afternoons. I'm really happy for all of the activity and change. I feel like I've come out of a hibernation and feeling the warm sunshine on my face.

I'm going to be talking (briefly) tomorrow at our MOPS meeting about postpartum depression. I'm really excited to do it because I really hope it might help someone there in the room or even a friend of theirs down the road. It just feels like a miracle how different I feel from even three weeks ago. Praise God for His grace and steadfast love to me!