Why Being A Mom Is So Hard

I've been talking to a lot of friends lately about the struggles of being a Mom. I've also been thinking a lot about my own struggles- when I feel the most defeated, what I feel when I'm frustrated and angry with my kids, what events cause the most stress to me. Here are some reasons why motherhood is difficult for me. Perhaps they'll ring true for you also.

Previous Levels of Success Don't Always Translate to Motherhood
No matter what you did before you were a mom, you will always feel out of your element when becoming a mom for the first time. And as I come across every new step in mothering, I feel yet again out of my league. Then the second child comes along and you think it will be easier. To some extent it is easier, but every child is different and you have to learn how to adapt and change your approach with that new child. It's easy to remember previous successes in life- high school awards, college degrees, promotions at work- and think, I should be able to handle this. I have a college degree! I did this or that! And our society tells us that those are obvious measures of success and set you up for a prosperous future. And the irony is that a college degree doesn't really help with the daily challenges of being a mom- disciplining your children, not losing your temper, stacking blocks for the 15th time, cutting grapes and packing diaper bags.
Don't get me wrong, a college degree (as one example of success) is valuable and I highly recommend it. I even think it will come in handy (and already has) in communicating with my children, problem solving, multi-tasking. I'm just saying that it's a fallacy to think that a successful person will automatically be successful at parenting.

Parenting Requires A Different Measure of Success
Since my previous measures for success aren't translating to motherhood, I've been thinking a lot about what I view as successful parenting. And I'm starting to see why my frustration is so high when I have to discipline Z over and over again. I've been judging my success as a parent by Z's behavior. When Z is obedient, I'm doing a good job. Talk about setting myself up for failure! Z is a sinner, just like me. He will never be perfect, just like I won't. Yet I'm holding myself responsible for his behavior. If I did a better job, he wouldn't be disobedient or unkind. The only measure of my success is my own actions as a parent. Z will disobey. Z will knock over his sister. So, what did I do in response? Did I discipline him in anger? Did I take the time to firmly and lovingly discipline him and teach him what is right? THAT is my success or failure!
The tricky thing is that there is a correlation between successful parenting and the behavior of the child. If I am doing my best in training and disciplining Z, there will be results. But those results are long term and gradual. And Z's behavior is his responsibility as well. Even perfect parenting (as if that existed) does not always bring perfect results. A child does eventually make his own way and may turn away from the things you've taught him. Which is just another reason to trust God and rely on His grace in our failures and your kids' failures.

Lack of Recognition
Of course your two-year-old doesn't tell you good job. No one thinks they will. But I certainly think that someone ought to notice. Someone is going to stop me in the grocery and tell me what well-behaved children I have. My mom or in-laws are going to say that I'm doing a great job with their grandkids. My husband is going to be daily blown away by the way I handled the day with endurance and a sense of humor. Okay, maybe not that much, but shoot, a little appreciation goes a long way, right? If only I could really grasp this verse: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." (Colossians 3:23-24) How much would that change my daily life? And, I'm not letting our husbands off the hook, who really should make an effort to encourage us in our mothering, but imagine if we only cared about what God thought. And we only thought about our eternal reward. Phew. I'm not anywhere close to that, but thank the Lord that He is working in me. That is definitely something I'll be praying for...and I know God will appreciate it!