After hitting a recent sleep issue, I did a search for Baby Wise on the internet to see if I could find other Mom’s out there struggling with parent directed feeding questions. Zilch. I did immediately find a whole lot of Baby Wise dissenters. Where are all the Baby Wise Moms out there? Forced into hiding by La Leche and Dr. Sear’s bulletin boards? Couldn’t we all use a forum for posting our struggles and victories with PD feeding?
As I stated before, I read the Baby Wise book and the binder that comes with the class. Perhaps because I haven’t taken the classes (which I hear are extremely beneficial), I have found myself struggling with the application of the approach. When the pedal hit the medal, or should I say, the breast hit the baby (no, I really shouldn’t), I was suddenly floundering in the minute, practical details with no answers in sight.
Thankfully (praise God on high, seriously, praise God), I have a friend who has three children and she has used the Baby Wise approach from the beginning. She is the perfect balance of a staunch believer in the approach and a compassionate friend who waits until she is asked before giving advice. When I have been ready for it (and sometimes this took a breakdown before I would admit it), her advice has been invaluable to me and Baby Z. More on her later, but for now, let me give her a much-deserved nickname: BWG – Baby Wise Guru or Baby Wise Godmother (whichever you prefer).
So, all of this to say that I hope this blog could someday be a forum where a floundering new Mom can get some help and encouragement about Baby Wise and parent directed feeding. Perhaps I can help connect some Cinderella’s out there with their own Baby Wise Godmothers.
Friday, April 27, 2007
You Say Schedule, I Say PD Feeding
I’m jumping into the blog world with a sure-to-be controversial topic (if I had any readers, that is. Oh wait! I have had 2 commenters! Holy cow, I can’t believe it!). When I tell people about Baby Z’s schedule, I usually wait to see the look on their face before determining the next route the conversation will take. Either I play down the perceived structure of a schedule – it’s really more like a routine where I watch for baby’s hunger signals! Or, I laud the merits of managing the baby on a schedule that gives me predictability and the miraculous “sleeping through the night.” There really is a whole range of ways to describe my chosen approach, and I have often found people using the same terms for very different things. So, for those unfamiliar with some terms for feeding approaches, see definitions below.*
Since I plan to be discussing scheduling/routine-making a lot, I suppose I should carefully pick my terms and then stick with it. Ezzo uses the term Parent Directed Feeding. I like this term, as it emphasizes who makes the decisions and is a nice balance between hyper scheduling rigidity and take it as it comes on demand type feeding. However, PDF makes this former software engineer think of a file type, and typing out parent directed feeding every time is going to get old fast. So, I will be using the hybrid term PD feeding. If I slip up and use routine or schedule, just assume I'm being imprecise and substitute PD feeding. After all, I did name my blog "Routine Honesty."
*Definitions (paraphrased from Ezzo’s Baby Wise. Experts out there can feel free to correct and fine-tune.)
• Child-led feeding (also known as cue feeding, demand feeding, attachment parenting)- feeding times guided solely by hunger signs from baby.
• Clock feeding (also known as scheduling) – feeding times guided solely by the clock.
• Parent-directed feeding (PD feeding) – feeding times guided by both hunger cues and clock. The key is the parent uses both to determine the best time to feed the baby.
Since I plan to be discussing scheduling/routine-making a lot, I suppose I should carefully pick my terms and then stick with it. Ezzo uses the term Parent Directed Feeding. I like this term, as it emphasizes who makes the decisions and is a nice balance between hyper scheduling rigidity and take it as it comes on demand type feeding. However, PDF makes this former software engineer think of a file type, and typing out parent directed feeding every time is going to get old fast. So, I will be using the hybrid term PD feeding. If I slip up and use routine or schedule, just assume I'm being imprecise and substitute PD feeding. After all, I did name my blog "Routine Honesty."
*Definitions (paraphrased from Ezzo’s Baby Wise. Experts out there can feel free to correct and fine-tune.)
• Child-led feeding (also known as cue feeding, demand feeding, attachment parenting)- feeding times guided solely by hunger signs from baby.
• Clock feeding (also known as scheduling) – feeding times guided solely by the clock.
• Parent-directed feeding (PD feeding) – feeding times guided by both hunger cues and clock. The key is the parent uses both to determine the best time to feed the baby.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Why I Picked Baby Wise
Let’s cut to the chase.
I’m using the Ezzo Baby Wise approach in structuring a routine for my baby.
I heard about Baby Wise from other Moms at church. I read Baby Wise (both the published book version and the binder from the Preparation for Parenting class), and found it extremely helpful for setting my mindset and principles regarding raising a family. The biblical principles behind it were in line with our thinking on how we wanted to raise our kids. Please note that I said principle. Ezzo makes a good distinction between principle and method (he calls it vehicle) in his book. So good, that I will quote it here:
“When it comes to parenting from a Christian worldview, one must be careful not to confuse biblical principles with the various applications of those principles. The application becomes the vehicle delivering the principle but is not the principle itself. For example, orderliness is a biblical principle, but how one achieves orderliness is the vehicle.“
In their classes and books, the Ezzos teach the principles and some practical applications they have seen to be successful.
John and I wanted to reflect principles such as: God is a God of order, not chaos. Establishing order to our household activities teaches our children early on about God and the security and comfort that come from that God-established order in the world. Also, God first created the marriage relationship of a man and wife. This is the relationship that binds for life; the children are born to be raised and leave the parents to establish their own lives. Therefore, the children should know that it is the parents’ job to set the routine for family life, not the children’s job.
Before you think I am so high-minded, if I’m truly honest, it was the application of the principles and the practical results that I really wanted. I chose Baby Wise first because of the promise (as in potential, not as in a vow) of my baby sleeping through the night as early as 7 weeks. Further, I have to admit that I thought Baby Wise would give me a perfect baby. You know the one—happy all the time, sleeps perfectly, only cries when hungry or tired (a delicate cry of communication, as if he is saying, please, Mommy, please, I’m really hungry).
Instead, I got a predictable baby. Mostly predictable, I should say. Predictable in crying, hunger, sleepiness and contentedness - all in the real baby range of behavior. I couldn’t expect Baby Z to never cry or to always do what I wanted perfectly (fall instantly asleep, sleep without a whimper through the night), but MOST of the time, Baby Z followed a pattern. I know that about an hour into his nap, he would wake a little, cry a little, then fall back asleep another hour. I know that he will get fussy about 15 minutes prior to naptime and want to be held. I know that the two hours after eating is the best time for visitors and activities. I know that he will most likely choose Sunday morning at church to decide not to nap.
Perhaps more importantly, I became predictable as well. With Baby Wise, I had a strategy for managing the day. I know what I would do when Baby Z cries when trying to go to sleep. I know when I will feed him. I know when I can do my chores, take a shower, take a nap. It took me a little while to accept the routine (more on the epiphany that helped me get there another time), but once I felt the hopeless turbulence of uncertainty and emotional decision-making, I embraced it like a lifesaver pulling me back to the boat called Sanity.
Of course things don’t always go as planned, and Baby Z is not a robot who behaves exactly the same all the time. Likewise, I’m not always totally consistent. There are days I curse the schedule (when I want to sleep in, for example), but now that I’ve tasted the goodness of that predictability, I’ll never doubt Baby Wise again. (Well, that is until I hit the next bump along the way and consider chucking it out the window… More on that another time).
I’m using the Ezzo Baby Wise approach in structuring a routine for my baby.
I heard about Baby Wise from other Moms at church. I read Baby Wise (both the published book version and the binder from the Preparation for Parenting class), and found it extremely helpful for setting my mindset and principles regarding raising a family. The biblical principles behind it were in line with our thinking on how we wanted to raise our kids. Please note that I said principle. Ezzo makes a good distinction between principle and method (he calls it vehicle) in his book. So good, that I will quote it here:
“When it comes to parenting from a Christian worldview, one must be careful not to confuse biblical principles with the various applications of those principles. The application becomes the vehicle delivering the principle but is not the principle itself. For example, orderliness is a biblical principle, but how one achieves orderliness is the vehicle.“
In their classes and books, the Ezzos teach the principles and some practical applications they have seen to be successful.
John and I wanted to reflect principles such as: God is a God of order, not chaos. Establishing order to our household activities teaches our children early on about God and the security and comfort that come from that God-established order in the world. Also, God first created the marriage relationship of a man and wife. This is the relationship that binds for life; the children are born to be raised and leave the parents to establish their own lives. Therefore, the children should know that it is the parents’ job to set the routine for family life, not the children’s job.
Before you think I am so high-minded, if I’m truly honest, it was the application of the principles and the practical results that I really wanted. I chose Baby Wise first because of the promise (as in potential, not as in a vow) of my baby sleeping through the night as early as 7 weeks. Further, I have to admit that I thought Baby Wise would give me a perfect baby. You know the one—happy all the time, sleeps perfectly, only cries when hungry or tired (a delicate cry of communication, as if he is saying, please, Mommy, please, I’m really hungry).
Instead, I got a predictable baby. Mostly predictable, I should say. Predictable in crying, hunger, sleepiness and contentedness - all in the real baby range of behavior. I couldn’t expect Baby Z to never cry or to always do what I wanted perfectly (fall instantly asleep, sleep without a whimper through the night), but MOST of the time, Baby Z followed a pattern. I know that about an hour into his nap, he would wake a little, cry a little, then fall back asleep another hour. I know that he will get fussy about 15 minutes prior to naptime and want to be held. I know that the two hours after eating is the best time for visitors and activities. I know that he will most likely choose Sunday morning at church to decide not to nap.
Perhaps more importantly, I became predictable as well. With Baby Wise, I had a strategy for managing the day. I know what I would do when Baby Z cries when trying to go to sleep. I know when I will feed him. I know when I can do my chores, take a shower, take a nap. It took me a little while to accept the routine (more on the epiphany that helped me get there another time), but once I felt the hopeless turbulence of uncertainty and emotional decision-making, I embraced it like a lifesaver pulling me back to the boat called Sanity.
Of course things don’t always go as planned, and Baby Z is not a robot who behaves exactly the same all the time. Likewise, I’m not always totally consistent. There are days I curse the schedule (when I want to sleep in, for example), but now that I’ve tasted the goodness of that predictability, I’ll never doubt Baby Wise again. (Well, that is until I hit the next bump along the way and consider chucking it out the window… More on that another time).
Meet the Cast
First, allow me to introduce the cast of characters, who will be named with anonymous nicknames to protect the not-so-innocent.
Me: New Mom on the baby train for 5 months now.
Baby Z (pic below): The package God delivered that has forever altered Me and my husband.
John: My husband has such a normal and ubiquitous name, he doesn’t get a nickname. Besides, the possibilities were sort of dreary (Hubbie, Dad, Papa Surf). I’m sure he’ll appreciate just going by John.
Me: New Mom on the baby train for 5 months now.
Baby Z (pic below): The package God delivered that has forever altered Me and my husband.
John: My husband has such a normal and ubiquitous name, he doesn’t get a nickname. Besides, the possibilities were sort of dreary (Hubbie, Dad, Papa Surf). I’m sure he’ll appreciate just going by John.
Just Another Mommy Blog?
I know. The world doesn’t need another Mommy blog. And there probably isn’t an overwhelming call for Christian Mommy blogs, either. BUT. I’m launching this one anyway. So deal.
Here are my reasons:
1. To be honest – sometimes brutally, sometimes beautifully- about being a Mom and a Christian one at that.
2. To discuss my experiences and challenges with establishing a routine for my baby, a la Baby Wise or parent directed feeding techniques.
3. Perhaps, perhaps, to provide a forum for other new Moms struggling with Momminess, sleeping through the night, scheduling related questions, etc.
Here are my reasons:
1. To be honest – sometimes brutally, sometimes beautifully- about being a Mom and a Christian one at that.
2. To discuss my experiences and challenges with establishing a routine for my baby, a la Baby Wise or parent directed feeding techniques.
3. Perhaps, perhaps, to provide a forum for other new Moms struggling with Momminess, sleeping through the night, scheduling related questions, etc.
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