Is This A Developmental Stage?

Baby Z is certainly developing. He can throw a ball. Really well. He can also throw a sippy cup, a book, a block, a toy truck. Sometimes he even has good aim and it's not clear whether he's throwing it to you or at you.

It appears that the close cousin to the throwing skill is the hitting skill. Same swing of that arm and whack! Another noise almost as good as a wooden block denting a hardwood floor. And the hitting game gets a great reaction out of Mom.

So, if I had any doubt before, it's very clear now that I have a toddler. From the more agile (slippery) movement to the assertive independence. Oh, and let's not forget the displays of emotion. Baby Z's favorite is a run towards a wall or door, throwing his hands against the wall and resting his head against it to cry. This happens when he's frustrated or upset; perhaps he didn't get to play with Mommy's keys or Mommy didn't give him food in the 0.02 seconds he demands.

In adapting to this change, I'm progressing through the stages of grief. I believe I'm past the shock and denial stage. You know, when you're convinced the hitting was a well-meant, poorly-executed attempt at affection. I might be past the anger stage, although I'm still tending to search in my memory for the other kid (and, therefore, ineffectual parent) who "taught" Baby Z how to hit. Most of the time, I know that's silly. I don't think any child has to "learn" how to hit; they will find this outlet to their anger or frustration quite naturally. So, what's next? Bargaining? Depression? Acceptance? I don't know, I think I'm cycling through these regularly. Currently (as in, at this precise moment), I'm in a phase of acceptance, where I'm trying to figure out how to handle things.

So, here it goes. After a little reading, I was reminded to think about the root of the action, not just the action itself. Throwing things is fun and gives Baby Z an opportunity to affect the world around him. He just needs to learn when throwing is appropriate and when it is not. Hitting can sometimes come from frustration or anger, but it can also come from a desire to connect with another person. I just saw this today at music class, when Baby Z raised his arm to hit a little girl who he had previously interacted with in a delightful manner. There was no anger in his face, just this random whack. (Thankfully, his aim isn't that good and he missed.) Now I can see that he was trying to say hello, or play with me or, maybe, can I touch your hair? So, my strategy will be a firm, No, along with a redirection of an appropriate way to interact. This is a good start for the frustration/anger hit, also, although the discipline will need to escalate if he continues after being told No.

Gah! I can't believe we're already at this stage! (There's the denial again. Uh oh.) I'm trying to remember that this is one more change in a long series of many, many changes. It's a good reminder of how much I need God's help to be patient and wise as a Mom. Change is hard, but it's also good because it makes you learn and grow. I wonder what this stage of parental development is called. The "Now I Know Enough to Know I Really Don't Know" stage?