The Land of the Free

Today, for the first time ever I paid for childcare. Lest you are new to this blog and think I am a Mom who simply does not go out, let me be clear. We've gone out! We've gone on dates, overnighters and even an out-of-state weekend getaway. The fact that we have not yet procured "professional" services is a testament to the generous friends and family in our lives who have so often watched our little dude for us. I cannot thank them enough for their thoughtfulness. They have all helped John and my marriage stay healthy despite our adorable attention-sucker.

Today, after placing thirty dollars in the hands of a 21-year old and saying bye as she walked to her car, I felt like I had discovered a new world. In this new world I can do two to three hours of work uninterrupted. I can schedule a doctor appointment. I can get my hair done or go shopping. I can't believe I waited this long to explore this frontier.

Like any voyage to uncharted territory, mine was not without toil and fear. I was forced to leave my land of comfort (bumming childcare off a list of friends and family, spreading out who I asked and hoping I wasn't asking too much) because of work. My boss asked if I could attend a meeting to roll out a new project. I agreed to try and see if I could do it for a month or so until someone else could get up to speed and take over. I asked around for referrals, hit a few dead-ends and unnecessarily stressed about calling strangers. After I finally got in touch with a babysitter who could do it, I was so relieved.

However, once the babysitter was booked, I had to talk myself into the fact that I was letting a total stranger take my child. Yes, I had referrals (lots of excellent ones). Yes, she was only taking Baby Z to the park near our house so I could work at home. Yes, it was only 2-3 hours. Still. I was nervous. I didn't sleep very well last night. I tried not to think about it, but my anxious thoughts expelled their energy by grinding my teeth into each other all night.

Now that the voyage is over and I've seen the beautiful promised land, I am mentally running free in a meadow of waving grass. I'm turning in circles, arms outstretched, reveling in the freedom and beauty of opportunity. Opportunity and options. If that 21-year old knew the gift she gave me today, she would definitely charge more.