Time-Outs

When Z turned two, I had in mind to start using the time-out technique for discipline. It took me a while to get things going and we took it slow, but I'm so happy with the results. I really like having another "tool" for disciplining Z. Up until this point we have used spanking and, more recently, reward/deprivation (taking away something he wanted to do).

As for the ramp up for the time-out, I started by getting a little rug I could put in his room in the corner. I involved him in its selection and talked about it a lot. Then, taking Babywise Mom's advice, I started training him a little when there was no discipline issue. I told him that I was going to put him on the rug when he disobeyed. Then, I gave him an example and walked through it. He understood it very quickly and started to refer to it when I used the word discipline (just like he has in the past with spanking).

I had intended to use it the first few times for a minor disobedience (not involving a tantrum) when he would be calm. However, it was during a tantrum that I first used it. I was surprised to see that the isolation and focus of one location actually helped him calm down. Then we talked about what he did wrong and went through the reconciliation. This was especially effective because we could talk about things after he calmed down, and while he was riled up he was still receiving the discipline. It has been hard to use spanking when he has thrown tantrums because, if he is really upset, I can't talk to him about what he did wrong (he is not in a place where he can really listen), and because he is really strong and it's getting harder to hold him on my shrinking lap.

Now, I don't know if you ever watch Super Nanny, but she is a big proponent of the time-out. And almost every episode has a scene where the parent(s) have to continually place the toddler back on the time-out location. It is a perfect example of the battle of wills that begins as a toddler starts to realize they are their own person. The parent who can outlast the persistent toddler is the victor. We had our time-out battle with Z yesterday. He was being disciplined for a tantrum. He was already really tired and this tantrum was among his worst. John put him on the time-out rug, explained what it was for and said he had to stay for two minutes. Z proceeded to crawl off the rug immediately after we put him on it. John put him back on. Z crawled off. John put him back on. Z crawled off. This went on for 15 minutes (you know I timed it). Fifteen minutes of relentlessness. I even took a turn moving Z back on when John got tired. I could only do it a few minutes it was so exhausting. The entire time Z is crying and not once sitting on the rug for longer than five seconds.

I am ashamed to admit that I questioned John during the process. In my mind I knew this was a showdown we had to win. But in my heart I wondered if Z could really do it. Was he too tired? How long would we have to do it? Are we sure this is how we want to do it? John firmly stated we would keep doing it until Z stayed on the rug. I am so thankful for my husband. After 15 minutes, Z stayed on the rug, sucked his thumb and calmed down. When his two minutes were up we praised him for obeying (sitting on the rug) and told him how much we loved him and that our discipline was because we loved him. He gave us big hugs and seemed very relieved that it was over (the two minutes or the battle, I wonder?).

There will be other battles, but at least I know we can win.