A Pound of Flesh

A few weeks ago I started to do our taxes online. This annual ritual never ceases to draw me in like a good crossword puzzle on an airplane. Sure enough, I started putting in the numbers and I just couldn't stop. It's a compulsion; I can't stop until I see the bottom line flashing at me in the upper right corner of my screen. Naturally, Baby Z was getting a little restless. When he found his way into the pantry in the kitchen (usually a no-no), I decided to let him. I pulled out any breakable or dangerous items and let him go at it. He was in heaven! This unorthodox tactic gave me another 30 minutes on the taxes. I was in heaven! The 5 minutes of cleanup was well worth it.




I was very proud of my out-of-the-box Mommy thinking until the next day. Suddenly, Baby Z knew what exquisitely interesting items exist in that cabinet. And he had a precedent for playing with them. I had to renew my efforts at teaching him to stay away from the cabinet. Let's just say there was far more than 5 minutes of cleanup time after all. I finally gave in and "baby-proofed" the situation:



I'll think twice about what lengths I go to next time I want to finish a project.

Gratuitous Baby Pictures

An advantage of having a mommy blog is that when you don't have much to say you can always resort to posting pictures of the little one. So, here it goes. Recently Baby Z has been working on walking, but he is very much taking his time. In the meantime, he seems perfectly satisfied with his own self-styled mode of transportation:



He also is getting some pretty rad hair. It is its best after a nap:


The End.

Leave? Leave what?

As I've mentioned before, a lot of my friends are pregnant or hoping to get pregnant in the next year or so. I've had friends ask me about what kind of leave I took with Baby Z, so I thought I would share some information here too. There are various kinds of leaves and associated benefits. Of course, each company has different policies and benefits, so what I'm sharing here is the state-sponsored benefits. This only applies to California, although there are other states (Hawaii, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island) with similar programs.

State Disability Insurance benefits
You're eligible for SDI benefits if you are unable to work for a medical reason. For pregnancy, a typical leave is one month prior to delivery and 6 weeks after delivery. Your doctor must agree that you shouldn't be working. Side note: Most employers are required to take the state disability insurance out of your paycheck -- you may have seen it on your W-2. This is your money that you get back now! Take advantage!

Special Circumstances
Those who are self-employed, you can elect to purchase the State Disability Insurance, but if you're reading this now and it's the first time you've heard of it, I'm guessing you didn't "elect" to participate.
For School employees, it looks like there are restrictions if your time off occurs during a school recess.

Next step? Go here to the Employment Development Department for California.
Note, they tell you: "Pregnancy-related disability claims should NOT be submitted until after the eighth day following the date your doctor certifies you are disabled." That means that the first 7 days you're not working, you won't be paid. I used sick leave to cover those days.

Here is the State Disability Insurance Claim form. You fill out part of it and then give it to your doctor to fill out and send in.
Here is the Salary table that tells you the weekly benefit amount, which is based on your regular salary.
Here are some more answers for Pregnancy related disability.

After your 6 weeks with vaginal delivery or longer with a C-section (it was 8 weeks for me) is up, you can move on to Family Leave and the Family leave benefits also available from the state. If you already received the State Disability checks, the state sends you a family leave application automatically with your last SDI check.

Family Leave
"Paid Family Leave is unemployment compensation disability insurance paid to workers who suffer a wage loss when they take time off work to care for a seriously ill family member or bond with a new minor child." This includes fathers! It also applies to parents who adopt. You can take up to 12 weeks of leave from work (over a 12-month period) without the risk of losing your position. Also, you get up to 6 weeks of pay out of the 12 weeks. You can take the time off any time in the 12 months after the birth of the child. The 12 weeks don't have to be consecutive.
If you already used the disability benefits, you don't have to wait any additional time for the Family leave benefits to kick in. Fathers (just like Moms above with the disability) have to wait 7 days before they can get the family leave benefits. That is, after they have not worked for 7 days, they can apply for the family leave benefits and start to get paid.
Here is some info at the EDD website on Paid Family Leave.
To request a form to apply for the benefits, call 1-877-BE-THERE or request a form online.

Hope this helps! Note: please treat this information as you would a casual conversation over coffee (decaf for you expecting Moms). Be sure to check on the information for yourself.

Valentine's Wish(es) for You

A simple post today in honor of Valentine's Day.

For those who love it and are distributing hand-crafted valentines to all your loved ones:


For those who don't like it (this year or ever) for your own reasons I need not ennumerate:

Something to Get Excited About

Yesterday was a new day for me. I decided to be a Mom. I know, I've been a Mom all along. What I mean is, I decided that being a Mom is my full-time job, not getting the laundry done, floor swept, bathroom cleaned, etc. I had noticed that I was letting things slide with Baby Z because I was always in the middle of something. I thought, I'll just catch him the next time he touches that and discipline him right when it happens. Or, oh well, he stopped after I said "no" the third time.

So, in my day of being a Mom (as a first priority), an amazing thing happened. Baby Z and I both had a spectacular day! I was focused and ready to discipline when it was needed. Baby Z was responsive to the discipline and did much better listening to me and stopping when I said no. And Baby Z was happier! I kid you not. There were moments where he looked at me across the room like I was better than cinnamon raisin toast. And I was happier, too. I was patient and didn't get frustrated when I was interrupted. It was more like the dishes were an interruption rather than Baby Z. And, surprisingly, I still got everything done, while not being stressed about it. Now that is something to cheer about!

In this day of good attitudes and focused discipline, a few other exciting things happened. I gave Baby Z a sippy cup with a straw and he went to town. Not only is this good for his speech development, it makes things easier when I forget his sippy cup and we're out. I just get a plastic cup with a straw! Yeah!

And, like I usually do at the end of his meals, I asked Baby Z to say thank you and do the sign in sign language. Yesterday at dinner, I said, "Can you say thank you?" and before I could even show the sign, he popped his hand up to his mouth in a perfectly signed thank you! I was so excited I started cheering and then Baby Z clapped and we laughed. It was awesome!! There are times when I think the things I've been trying to teach Baby Z just go in one ear and out the other (or maybe not even in one ear). Seeing moments of fruition is unbelievably encouraging.

All together, it was a great day being a Mom. Yeah!

Honorable Mention

I forgot to mention that two weeks ago Baby Z took his first steps. It was a little anti-climatic. You can probably tell. He let go of my pant leg and took a couple steps then fell down to his knees and continued walking (that is his current favorite mode of transportation- shuffling along on his knees). John and I did give him a "good job" and a round of applause. But I guess I didn't think about that counting as his first steps. Perhaps I was waiting for him to walk from one object to another. Or maybe I expected him to suddenly cross the room reciting the presidents in reverse order.

Could it be that I already have unrealistically high expectations for my little dude? Well, after my Mom informed me that those few steps were indeed his "first steps," I accept Baby Z's achievement and really, sincerely applaud it. I will duly record it in his baby book.

A New Outlook

I read an article recently about why a lot of Moms started blogs. Here's a quote (from Wondertime magazine, article by Catherine Newman):
"Parenting is both a universal experience and one that is consummately unique in its details. And it's those dirty details, the follies and the foibles, that satisfy the sharpest bloggy cravings."

I realized that besides the narcissism that comes with the territory, one of the reasons I blog is because it makes me observe the world a little differently. Knowing that I want to write about things, especially the experience of being a Mom, makes me take a slightly different outlook. I'm more likely to see the beauty in simple things like sunlight sparkling on the leaves of a tree outside our dining room window (which Baby Z points at in gleeful surprise EVERY day). I'm definitely more likely to see the humor in things like poop falling into my hands and cleaning up raisin bran all over the floor. And in moment of difficulty, it makes me step outside myself and analyze the situation a little more objectively since I might want to write about it. There are other things, too, like connecting with others and having a forum to show pictures of my little guy. But today I'm taking the time to be grateful for how it makes me live life a little more richly by making me pay attention.*

*In the spirit of full disclosure, as I write this, I am neglecting my child who is naughtily getting into everything he's not supposed to....more on that another time.