Every Day is A Hard Day

I find myself saying, "this was a hard day," a lot. And I think every day that is like that I think that it was the hardest day yet. And then another day comes along to top it. And it is relative. One child is sick with a cold so you can't do any of your planned Halloween activities is hard. And then you get sick too. And then the baby gets sick. The baby suddenly waking up at 2 and 4am is hard (teething) and then the baby gets sick and wakes up even more than that, and what's worse is you can't sleep because you can't breathe through your nose and your throat hurts...

Blah, blah, blah...No need to elaborate. You all know what I'm talking about. But I'll summarize by saying it's been a tough few days here. Everyone is feeling better, but that didn't keep me from losing it with Z this afternoon in a power struggle over his tools, which I took away because he played with them during his nap time. I'm so ashamed when I lose my temper with him. Especially when it is physical and I spank him when I am upset. I asked Z to forgive me for getting angry and he said sorry for throwing a "tantum." And I know when he gets up from his nap (he's in there sleeping now) I'll love him just as I always have. Isn't that what God does? Isn't there nothing that can separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:35)? Even ourselves (1 John 3:20)? Yet I struggle to let go of my sin and move on. In reality, I doubt that God really does forgive me. And if He can't forgive me what hope is there of me truly forgiving Z?

If Z were to ask me, "Do you fo-give me, Mama?" would I ever not? Of course not! (I might hold a grudge for a little bit, but eventually I would- really, I would. Yes, I'm working on that too.) Don't I tell Z that I love him no matter what? Then how much more will the Creator of the Universe, the Prince of Peace, the Lamb of God forgive me?

And if I keep praying for God to fill me with His Spirit so that maybe next time I won't lose control and get angry...
"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"Luke 11:10-14