Discipline in Difficult Situations

Today Z and Harper and I met Auntie J and her little boy at Disneyland. We got passes. I know. I never thought I would...but here I am going to Disneyland in the summer heat. I could only do it with a good friend for help and support.

John and I had thought through discipline with Z at Disneyland. Z has to ride in a stroller for some of it and stay with us at all times. This can be very challenging in the most typical and subdued locales, let alone a stimulus stampede of a place like Disneyland. So, we spent a lot of time explaining expectations with Z and even did a trial run where we planned on leaving if Z behaved badly- like a throw-away trip for teaching purposes. Naturally on that trip, Z behaved very well.

So today I had my first "opportunity" to discipline Z at Disneyland. Let me just say that this is pretty much my worst nightmare for going places with Z. We were waiting in line on our very first ride and I had a snack for Z. He wanted to hold the bag of snacks and I said no because I didn't want cereal spilling everywhere. He got very upset about it and started to throw a tantrum. I should have seen a big meltdown possibility because he was pretty overwhelmed by everything. I wouldn't have chosen to have the battle over such a small thing if I knew it was going to be such an issue. Oh well... once I said no, I didn't want to give in to the tantrum. So, the tantrum turned into a meltdown with me dragging Z by the arm to keep him moving in line while I have Harper strapped to my chest in a carrier. Night. Mare.

I felt trapped not knowing whether to, or how to, exit the line. I bent over and spanked Z telling him his behavior was unacceptable. In retrospect, I can see how my spanking him was really aiming for behavior modification, not heart modification. I just wanted him to stop throwing a fit. I usually don't spank him in public because a) I want to respect his privacy and dignity as a person, and b) spanking is not everyone's idea of discipline and I don't need Child Services called on us. So, I can see how the spanking actually made things worse because Z really gets stubborn and angry when I discipline him in anger or without our usual protocol (explaining what he did wrong, telling him how many spankings, asking him to say sorry, hug and me telling him I forgive him).

So, after a few more minutes of tantrum and dragging by the arm, we finally make it to the front of the line and I can see an exit. I pick Z up (awkwardly because Harper is still strapped to me and crying herself by this point) and almost push people out of my way to get out of the line. We found a bench and I told Z he was on time-out. He sat there and calmed down while I also sat there and cooled off (while feeding Harper). After five minutes or so, I was able to calmly explain to him what he did wrong and ask him to say sorry. Now that the power struggle and chaotic surroundings were gone, and we were both calm, he very quickly said, "sorry, Mama frowing tatrum."

Boy. Big learning experience. There are no shortcuts to discipline. Always know where the exits are. Pick your battles. And teaching my child to obey and respect me must always come before whatever else is going on- from grocery shopping to, yes, even a fun ride at Disneyland.