Sleep - Another Panacea?

Since Harper has been sleeping through the night for almost two weeks now (she did have one more night of waking up and crying for 20 minutes since the first two days), I've been re-evaluating my expectation that I'm going to wake up one morning feeling normal again. I do feel better mentally (not as fuzzy, a little quicker thinking), but I'm still tired. I still want naps and LOVE to get in bed at the end of the day. I've been reminding myself that I still have two small children. I still am breast feeding, which takes a lot out of you physically. I still have post partum hormones ebbing and flowing.

This feeling of disappointment even after getting something I wanted isn't new. With the help of an excellent Bible study I've recently been participating in, I'm realizing that this a pattern for me. I'm always waiting for that one thing that is going to make everything better. When Harper sleeps through the night, I'll be more patient with Z. When Z is past this phase, it will be easier. When John really appreciates me, then it will be easier to serve him. When this, then that. It's a great excuse for bad behavior. It's a great reason to never be content. And I want it to stop.

I want to be present in the moment of today. I want to be content no matter my circumstances. I want the joy of living a life pleasing to the Lord no matter how the day is going. I want a constancy of attitude and mood that is not jerked around by spilled cereal or a whiny toddler. And the only way I'm going to get that is by a daily (hourly!) surrendering of my discontentment and complaining to Christ. Only God can replace my mood with His fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control (Galatians 5:22-23).

God never promised life to be easy, but He did tell us it would be abundant (John 10:10). Living life in a way that is pleasing to God is the only way His children will ever feel satisfied and whole. But it is a daily struggle to do so (Galations 2:20, Luke 9:23). Seems paradoxical, but the only way to feel joy and peace is to struggle and strive for righteousness.