Post Postpartum

A good friend of mine once told me that the hormonal ups and down of the postpartum period can last for quite a while. She told me this to stay aware and not be too hard on myself when I suddenly turn into a psycho. Twice now, I've thought to myself, "you know, I think I'm finally over the hormonal stuff." Immediately following these thoughts, all those lovely chemicals in my brain and body decided to remind me that the Mommy Hormonal Cocktail is still in effect.

Yesterday, all in one day, I had a moment of extreme euphoria (This is the happiest I've ever been in my life!) and a moment of brewing crazy (If I don't get out of the house right now, my head will explode). John was extremely understanding of the latter, and let me go out for a cup of coffee and some time to myself. Now, in an attempt to focus on the positive, about that moment of euphoria...

I've had a few of them since getting pregnant and embarking on the adventure of Mommyhood. I wish I could bottle them up and open them later in life when I need a pick-me-up. I had many such moments toward the end of my pregnancy when thinking about the baby coming. John and I were so excited. It seemed like such a gift (and it is!) from God to have a child.

Those moments were a little different than the ones after Baby Z was born. While the pregnant euphoria was all tingly with hope and excitement for what was to come, the postpartum euphoria is more like a warm glow of satisfaction and contentment -- the feeling that the joy is more deserved or victorious for what we had to get through in order to feel it.
I had this moment of extreme joy yesterday while walking Baby Z in the sunshine, enjoying the flowers and birds. It sounds so cliche', but I think those are the most geniune moments of joy- when you aren't expecting it. I'm so thankful I recognized it when it hit, and perhaps that's why I'm writing about it. I don't want to forget these moments of contentment and joy that are recalibrating the bar of happiness in my life.