Monday, My Dear Friend

Monday, when did you get so fair
I love you now when you used to wear
We stay at home, clean, nap and play
Sometimes I wish you would just stay

But Tuesdays are good for getting out
It's time for a change or Baby Z starts to pout
We go to the store, library and usually the park
We are both pretty tired by the time it gets dark

Oh, Wednesday....you day of the hump
You really are quite a bump
Searching for something different to do
How many times can you read Mr. Brown Can Moo

By Thursday, we're thinking of the weekend
It's time for a visit to do-dee-do, Baby Z's first friend
We head on over to Grammy's and play around the pool
Baby Z starts to get naughty and break lots of rules

Friday, a sweet friend of a time mostly gone
The one who knew me before I was a Mom
I dress up and roll my computer into work
A break for me and Baby Z: definitely a perk

Saturday and Sunday, a pair not unlike Janus
Sometimes with gales of laughter you fan us
Other times it can be simply a matter of survival
When chores, busy schedules and arguments stifle

But no matter what each weekday brings
The days that cry and the days that sing
I want to be thankful for each day's beginning and end
But I'm sure happy to see my fair Monday again

Two Kids One Room

With BNT on the way, we are thinking through our sleeping arrangements. We have a two-bedroom home, so Baby Z and BNT are going to share a bedroom. It's not a very big room, so I did some research on beds and cribs this weekend. Here's the scoop:

• we can fit one portable crib (41in H x 26in W x 40in L) and one regular crib (44in H x 30in W x 58in L) without removing any of the current furniture
  
• we can fit one regular crib and one toddler bed (30in H x 28in W x 57in L) but have to remove a rocking chair and little reading table
  
• we can fit one toddler bed and one twin bed (14in H x 41in W x 77in L) but have to remove a rocking chair, little reading table and the dresser/changing table (we could fit a smaller one)

The plan for now is to get a portable crib for BNT. That way, I can wheel him/her around the house depending on what rooms are in use. My bedroom for naps during the day, living room during the night. Although separating a crying baby from Baby Z by a small hallway and a door is probably not going to make a huge difference, at least I won't have to go into the room and look into Baby Z's crying, sleepy eyes when BNT wakes up. People tell me that toddlers get used to the new noise and eventually don't wake up (can anyone substantiate this claim?).

Then in the first 6 months or so after BNT is born, we'll see when Baby Z (who we'll need to call Big Boy Z at that point) is ready for the toddler bed. I'm thinking we'll wait and see when he starts climbing out of the crib (I can't believe he hasn't figured it out yet!). Around that time, if BNT is sleeping sufficiently at night, we'll pop him/her in the crib right next to Big Brother Z's bed. We're good in that arrangement for up to 2 years, I think. Then, we could move on to a twin and a toddler bed or possibly even a bunk bed situation. Wow! It's crazy to think of having a 4 year-old and a 2 year-old. One step at a time, one step at a time.

Now you all have insight into the workings of my relentless planning mind. Once I figured all of this out I had a huge sense of ease and acceptance of BNT and the upcoming change to our family. Now, in a week and a half (October 1st!), we'll find out hopefully if BNT is he or she. How fun!

Return to MOPS

This week I'm starting up with MOPS (Mothers of Pre Schoolers) group again. I joined last year at this time, when Baby Z was almost a year. It was such a blessing to find other Moms to talk to and have an opportunity to get out of the house with daycare regularly (twice a month). This year, the MOPS group I attend was so popular that I'm on the waiting list for childcare. That is, they don't have enough room for all the kids, but I can come if I find my own childcare. I didn't realize how much MOPS meant to me until I faced the possibility of not having it.

This happened to work out nicely with another plan I was considering: getting a babysitter each week so I could work a little more (get out of the house, change of pace, etc.). So, we've worked it out where I have a babysitter (who God sovereignly provided!) every Wednesday morning. One Wednesday I go to MOPS, the next I go to work. The work day helps pay for the babysitting and we get a little extra cash too. I am extremely thankful for my flexible job and the opportunity to switch things up a little. Before too long I'll have BNT (Lord willing) to take care of and I'll be landlocked for a while. I'm going to enjoy these extra outings while I can.

For those who've never heard of MOPS, check it out. Local churches host a MOPS group and they're open to everyone. The one I go to is at a local church where some friends go (not my own church). It is a Christian based organization, and you'll find most of the ladies are Christians who attend, but it is by no means a requirement to be one. There's food, a speaker (on a variety of topics from gardening to ideas for keeping up your relationship with your husband), and usually a craft. We are organized in groups that we stay with for a semester so there is time to get to know people; and the discussion topics get you rolling on a real level, so it doesn't stay chit-chatty the entire time. It's perfect for me, an introvert who prefers smaller groups of people.

Anyway, I'm excited to start my new Wednesdays. Baby Z gets to play with Miss Sarah and I get some time away. Yeah!

How To Survive Being A Mom

I've recently had some tough days where I wondered (again) why I wanted to be a Mom. Of course, down inside (sometimes deep, deep), I don't regret even a second of having Baby Z. However, there are moments where I fantasize about "the gypsies taking him away," as a friend of mine says. So, I've refocused a little bit on tools and strategies that make being a Mom a little easier.

You'll read all kinds of tips like that for new Moms, since the newborn phase is so engrossing. As Baby Z has gotten older and we've become more mobile and able to do more things (in and out of the house), I haven't noticed as much that feeling that a little person is consuming me limb by limb. Beware, however: it lurks still. Unfortunately, I don't recognize it until some tragedy like spilt milk (excuse the cliche') throws me over the edge. After some time to think, reading a few articles, and reflecting back to what I did when the baby literally was sucking the energy right out of me, I've come to share a few ideas.

1. Find a support system: this is everyone from the friend you can REALLY be yourself with to the people who can babysit (including professionals- see post Land of the Free).
-- a. Find some Mom friends if you don't have them already. You have to have someone to talk to about the consistency of your child's poop, nap time problems, feeling like a milk-machine. It feels so good to find someone in the same stage who GETS IT. I recommend not trying to make your spouse fill this role.
-- b. Keep your non-Mom friends. Not only are they the ones who knew you pre-baby, they are probably not obsessed with baby. You won't talk to them about spit up and nap times and this is a very good thing!

2. Make time for yourself. Time by yourself. This does not include time you are pseudo-alone in the house while the kiddo sleeps. This also does not include time with your spouse, such as a date time, as important as that is (see number 3). Making time for yourself may be something as simple as a trip to the grocery store by yourself. This weekend, I went to the grocery store one day (30 minutes) and the hardware store another day (30 minutes) by myself. At the time I didn't think much of it, but I realized after that it REALLY helped! Who would have thought even 30 minutes could make a difference, but it did for me!

3. Don't forget to spend time with your spouse. Take the time you have; turn off the TV and talk for 10 minutes. Go on dates (even if it's only Taco Bell and only for an hour). Make time for sex. (I would have died if my 25-year-old self saw my future self writing that!)

4. Have a strategy. Whatever stage you are in, you need a plan. Now, I know there are people out there who really don't need a plan. Living each day as it comes is perfectly fine for them. I am not that person. And, I'm guessing that a good percentage of the female population is not that person. (If you are that person, skip to number 5.) For those of us who like a plan, think through where you are and where you want to be. Consult books, friends, the internet. Cobble together a plan that works for you and stick to it (at least for a week or so and then perhaps you'll find the plan doesn't work and you adjust the plan). Having a strategy is a saving grace to me. From how to establish a routine for my infant to handling tantrums, without a plan I am lost (and stressed and unhappy).

5. Don't forget the reason for it all. For me, this reason is to glorify God in everything I do. Does this mean I'm singing praise songs while picking up Baby Z's poo off the floor? (Yes, another diaper incident, people.) Probably not, but it does mean I'm praying for patience and calm to not get upset about it. Glorifying God also means I talk to Him (pray) and read His Word. Remembering the big picture of eternity makes me (sometimes) less likely to freak out about the troubles of day to day.

You Know You're Pregnant When...

You know you're pregnant when you find yourself eating a powder donut out of the trunk of your car. You dug it out of the packed up grocery bags because you couldn't wait until you got home. And the reason you got the donuts is because you swear you smelled the jelly filled powdered donuts you grew up with as a kid in the grocery store only to find that they don't carry them. You settle for the mini powdered donettes, but think about that raspberry filling the rest of the day.

tantrum [ˈtӕntrəm] noun: A fit of bad temper.

Have you ever seen that Mom in the store whose child is throwing a fit? I'm sure most of the time you felt bad for the Mom, and, if we're honest, there were times when you thought, "I'm never going to let my kid get away with that." Oh man. I am that Mom.

Since Baby Z turned 18 months he has decided to explore his independence by exercising his right to be upset. He cries, he does the limp noodle onto the floor, he runs to the wall and smacks his hands against it, he knock things around (an especially good effect when eating). We mostly tried the "ignore it" or "remove the audience" approach for the first few months. This worked pretty well; the tantrum would diffuse pretty quickly. However, Baby Z has grown in strength and stamina. He knows that this technique can sometimes work, i.e., he gets what he wants. I swore I wouldn't be that Mom. I thought I would stand up to him on principal alone, such as: "No, you cannot eat your vegetables right now. You can't get what you want just by throwing a fit!" But slowly, I started to let it happen. It is a slippery slope, my friends.

First it would be something like having the check-out person at the grocery store quickly (quickly!) scan the box of pasta so I could give it back to Baby Z because he HAD to hold it. Then I would find myself negotiating with Baby Z to get him into the car when he wanted to play in the yard. The idea of simply commanding my child to do something and having him follow (what I expected of my parenting) started to slip away. Then, before I knew it, slight moments of discomfort became full-on battles of will. When I really needed him to get in the car I had to pick him up and carry him there, potentially kicking and screaming.

Perhaps the Moms of toddlers know what's coming next. I had a break down. Or maybe a couple. Lots of crying and wondering why life is so hard. Thankfully, God uses breakdowns to wake me up and turn me around. I consulted (again) the several books we have on discipline. I thought through my approach for handling disobedience and crying fits (loss of self control). I sought advice. I prayed (and begged God) for wisdom. I decided what I wanted to do. Oh yeah, then I remembered that I should discuss all of this with my husband (oops).

After all of that, both John and I are refocused on discipline. We are now disciplining Baby Z for temper tantrums and crying fits. I finally realized that he was not going to stop unless he understood it was unacceptable and there were consequences, just like any other training situation, such as touching dangerous objects. Discipline for throwing fits is a little harder than the more tangible infractions because it involves emotion and frustration- genuine feelings Baby Z cannot stop. However, we can teach him how to deal with those emotions and help him learn self control. We talk to him a lot about self control and staying calm when he is upset. When he doesn't work to calm himself down, I show him what self control looks/feels like, by hugging him tight and putting his two hands together. If he is really out of control (where he won't be able to converse during the discipline), I put him in his crib to calm down. This is usually accompanied by my own time out (sans crib).

Also, both John and I have started talking to Baby Z more about our expectations before a situation. I tell him before we walk out of the house that we're going straight to the car rather than playing. John tells Baby Z we're having dinner in the restaurant and we expect him to eat and be patient; no throwing food or crying/complaining. I was pretty surprised how much that actually helped. Baby Z still doesn't say a lot of words yet, but he understands A LOT.

I can't say yet that we've had resounding success. It's something I'm sure we are going to struggle with for a long time (self control is a lifelong pursuit, after all), but I am hopeful it will start to get a little easier. The thing with discipline that I've noticed is that it seems impossible at first (if I discipline him for that, I will do nothing but discipline all day long), but with some consistency and hard days/weeks, it does start to get better. I'm trying to think about my day in terms of training Baby Z rather than the list of to-do's. I have to be ready to put in the time no matter what I'm doing at that moment. And I have to be ready to follow through with what I say, such as the woman* in parenting folklore who exits the grocery store when a child misbehaves no matter where she is in the process. In the middle of checkout. Apologize. Walk away. Oh, the courage of that woman! May she inspire me one day when I need it.

* I actually know this woman and am extremely thankful for the things I've already learned from her. And she probably doesn't even know it. Thanks JW up north.

Special Play Time & One Nap Results

We've continued our pursuit of the peaceful, special "alone" play time with Baby Z. It has gotten much, much better. Baby Z knows what it is, knows it will end and even doesn't mind it. I praise him vigorously for doing well in it and tell his Dada all about it when he gets home. When I say "special play time," Baby Z points to his play yard fence. :) Eventually we'll move on to him playing in his room, but I'm going to keep with the fence a little while longer.

Besides the fact that Baby Z is liking the play time more, it is nothing less than miraculous for me. Just having 30 minutes to focus on something and having the break from the constant interaction is so helpful. It really has been tough for me going to one nap a day and adjusting to how much more time there is to keep Baby Z busy and still get my own chores done. Special play time couldn't have come at a better time.

As for the one nap a day, it has been an adjustment. I feel like there are gigantic spans of time to fill and find myself thinking, "It's not lunchtime yet?" Like any transition, it takes time to get used to it and adapt. I need to research more things to do with Baby Z because the park is getting a little old. It is nice, though, to have plenty of time in the morning to get grocery shopping or errands done.

Baby Z seems to be doing okay with it, although he's still not sleeping as long as I would like. When he gets two hours or so, he does well through to bedtime. However, mostly he's been doing an hour and a half (what he did before twice a day), and by the late afternoon, he starts to get crabby and difficult. It's been hard for me to give up my nap time (which I usually grabbed during his afternoon nap), and I find myself REALLY tired by 8pm or so. I still take a nap when I'm exhausted even if things get left undone. And, honestly, I should not be complaining. What adult still gets a nap every day?

So that's the update. It's good for me to focus on the positives of Baby Z growing up and the success we've had with the special play time. Lately we've been dealing with temper tantrums, so I'll save that for another day and just end on this positive note: