Project Sanity

Today started as another down day. So this is a good time to remind myself of the steps in Project Sanity:
1. Take vitamin supplement for hormones (Evening primrose and some other oils)
2. Wean Harper
3. Go to a counselor/therapist/psychologist
4. See my doctor about my thyroid and hormones
5. Get regular babysitter so I have guaranteed time to myself at least once a week

Report to date:
1. So far the vitamin supplement actually really seems to be helping. There have been a few moments that would have defeated me in the past and I was able to stay calm and handle it.

2. Weaning is going really well, contrary to what I would have thought even two weeks ago. I've dropped one nursing time (11am) completely and just started dropping another one (when I usually pumped at 8pm or so). Harper seems to be fine with formula; she is more temperamental about the temperature than anything else.

3. I've called several counselors and talked to a couple. Both told me to be sure to check with my doctor. After having a couple good days, it's easy to talk myself out of going. I'm going to wait and talk to my doctors, but still set up an appointment to talk to someone too. I don't want to bury some things I'm feeling and thinking and then have another crisis situation in a few months.

4. Two appointments scheduled, which seems a miracle as I've always had a hard time getting in with my general practitioner and my OB/GYN. I've written down the things I've been feeling so I don't downplay or minimize when I talk to them.

5. I have some babysitters scheduled for the next week or so, but still don't have a regular one. Trying out a new one this week, so I'll see if she might work out. I do have one for this Saturday, which my genius friend M suggested. Saturdays are always so hard for me, so why not use that time to get away and recharge rather than become further depleted. I love it! And, I might even be able to go surfing with John rather than fight resenting him for going while I'm "stuck" at home.

Perhaps it's good I'm feeling down today because it is reminding me that this problem isn't going to just disappear. I always do this-- like when I have bad cramps and then twenty minutes later they are better and I think I was just being dramatic or something. What is that about? I don't trust myself? I don't want to be weak so I downplay my struggles? Hm. Maybe that is something a therapist will help me see.

Well, I just took my vitamin and I'm headed outside for some sunshine with Z. Praying for patience and perseverance.
Jeremiah 32:17- "Ah Lord GOD! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and by Your outstretched arm! Nothing is too difficult for You,"