Quick Vignettes

Tonight at my Mom's, I asked Z to start cleaning up his toys outside. He climbed onto the chaise lounge and said, "Ok, but I'm just going to lay here and think about my day."

My Mom made a name tag with a string that goes around Z's neck. He calls it his medal. After he had decorated it with stickers and Grammy wrote his name, he said he wanted Harper's name on it too, because "she's my best friend."

Z has been very interested in what all of the traffic and parking signs say. He knows what all of the different colored curbs mean, too. The other day he pointed to a sticker on his three-wheeler and said it was his handicap sign. heh, heh. Well, I've tried to explain what it means, but I guess he just appreciates the close parking?

And some funny words Z has said recently:
> zuppachini (zucchini)
> carnita (granita- an italian sorbet style of ice cream that we made. I just thought that was an ironic pronunciation. Smile.)
> While playing Thomas, Z pointed to a spot and said, "Dat's Downa Mine!" I finally realized he was saying it was the mine which Thomas fell into in one of the stories. The title of the story is "Down A Mine."
> Z put one of his toys on my belly like a stethoscope and said "sumping's wrong with your insects."

Here he is making a train noise while driving this train. He can't seem to do it without closing his eyes. :)

Twelve

John and I have been married twelve years today. Twelve. Think of a twelve year-old kid! That's a lot of years!

I'm so thankful for our marriage and how God has used it to make both of us more like Christ. This past year has been especially hard with having the second child and the post partum depression, yet I can see how God has used the struggle for our good. I can honestly say that we feel closer to each other now than ever before.

John's surf trip with four other Christian guys was really good. They did some lessons from a Tim Keller study on marriage and had good conversations about being husbands and fathers. And of course they did lots of surfing and relaxing!

Today we became members of our new church. It seems a fitting day for our anniversary and what I feel like is the beginning of lots of new beginnings. We already feel like we're growing at our new church and we're excited about getting to know everyone. It's awesome to feel hopeful and optimistic about the future. Praise the Lord!

Day Eight- He's Home!

Saturday
All in all a pretty good day. My babysitter canceled (I was going to have some time to myself this morning), but I turned it for the best and we had a nice morning at the Nature Center and then to an animal shelter to see the cats and dogs. We made a Welcome Home sign for Pap and washed his car. Visited with the wives and kids of the rest of the guys on the surf trip and then off to the airport to pick up John.
Z is SOOOO happy to have John home. He was literally beaming and bouncing around. John brought him two really cool shells and Z put them on the shelf like they are the greatest treasure he's ever owned (which they probably are!).
I am SOOO happy to have John home too. He told me how proud he is of me for doing such a good job this week. And he thanked me again for allowing him to go. And he almost jumped with joy when I showed him the reorganized cabinets! :)

Goodnight! Looking forward to a good night's sleep tonight.

Day Seven

Friday
Today was pretty easy because it's the day my Mom watches the kids and I go to work. I took off early for some alone time, which was nice. But I have to say I'm feeling pretty worn out. I had to pray and gear myself up for going to my Mom's house to pick up the kids. Z usually starts to act up right when I get to my Mom's but today he was tired so he was pretty good. I got the kids in bed early tonight because they were both so tired, but now Harper is crying and Z is reading a book. It feels harder when there's no one else here in the house.

-10 minutes later-
Aaah. Harper's finally asleep.

Overall, I guess I should be really proud and thankful we all made it through this week with some fun moments (and a few not so great moments). Again, I'm so, so thankful I don't have to do the single parent thing all of the time. But it's funny how you kind of just suck it up and do it because there is no other option. I wonder if sometimes I call John during the day about some difficulty because it is a way to feel like someone out there knows that my job is hard. This week I prayed a lot and really had to rely on God to "see" me.
This makes me think of Hagar, who after being mistreated by Sarai, runs away into the desert. She is pregnant with no where to go and no one to take care of her. God speaks to her directly and tells her that she is part of His plan. "She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me," for she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me." (Genesis 16:13) I love this idea that God SEES me. He knows me better than I know myself and even when I can only pray, "God help me," He can, and does, help me better than anyone else. I hope I can take that truth into the weeks and years to come: that I am not flying solo ever and God is the best co-parent, spouse, friend there is.

-Another 10 minutes later-
Z is asleep!! 8:25pm. Yipee!

Day Six

Thursday
Drop-off and pick-up without tantrums! Yipee! I praised Z over and over again for being such a big boy and handling his disappointment. He said he wanted to stay and started to sit at the tables but I reminded him that he couldn't stay and that he told me he wasn't going to through a tantrum like the last time. Other kids were getting picked up too so I was able to point out that other kids were going home. And the teacher helped by saying he was a lucky boy who got to go home.

I'm already seeing what a great school this new one is going to be for us. I talked to his teacher and the director of the preschool at drop-off today and they were both very encouraging and supportive. I really feel like I'm going to have another resource for ideas in how to help Z. I'm so thankful!

So this is the long stretch between now and bedtime tonight. I have some shopping and a trip to the park (meeting friends) planned, so hopefully it goes by quickly and we have a good time.

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has been praying for me. I really have felt God's strength in me this week. We are really looking forward to John coming home. Z keeps saying that he wants to go to Mexico. And yesterday he asked if Papa is coming home. Home stretch!

8:32pm. Both kids are in bed but neither are asleep. We skipped the shopping but went to the park. It didn't quite turn out like I thought (when will I learn) and I spent my time running after the kids rather than eating or talking to anyone. Oh well. We made it through another day. Just praying for a little more patience to make it through until Z falls asleep.

Day Five

Wednesday
I feel like we're at the top of the hill now. Just downhill to go. But, man, I'm tired.

Went to the beach today with a babysitter to help. It was pretty fun and killed a bunch of time. A friend and her little girl came so it was nice to have some adult conversation. I also had that at book club last night, so that was good. After getting the kids home and down for nap time/quiet play time, the babysitter and I reorganized the bathroom cabinets and kitchen cupboard. Awesome!! It's totally one of those things I have a hard time making myself do, so having someone there to help was a good impetus.

I'm praying that the drop-off and pick-up at preschool tomorrow goes okay. Z keeps saying he's never going back to "dat preschool." I'm hoping he changes his mind when he sees the playground? Or maybe he'll just throw a fit upon drop-off like the rest of the kids. :)

I'm also praying for a good night sleep. Last night wasn't great. Perhaps I'm adjusting to the new bed? Or maybe it just feels strange to not have John there with me. I miss him. And not just in a co-parenting way. Our house is definitely less fun without him. Just a few more days!

Day Four... Solo

Tuesday
How can it be only 1pm? It feels like an entire day has gone by already. New mattress delivered at 7:15am. Both kids already up by then. Z started his new preschool. Drop off was fine. Pick up was a nightmare.

All of the other kids are full-day kids so they stay for lunch and the rest of the afternoon. Z was very upset that he wasn't staying for lunch. Massive, code-red, full blown tantrum. Z screams, yells, cries, runs off along the side of the school (which is by a major street). Spankings. The drag-by-the-arm routine. Somehow I manage to remain calm in a kind of out-of-body sort of way where I'm seeing this all happen from a fluffy cloud above. More spankings. The physically-restrain-while-forcing-into-car routine. Z screams the whole way home. A flying shoe hits my arm. I am silent. I am a strong, unperterbable fortress of self control.

I leave the car on in the driveway with Z still strapped in while I carry my things inside. I ask the babysitter to take Harper outside so I don't have to manage her while handling Z's tantrum. I unstrap the monster, I mean, Z and tell him to go inside to his room. He can come out when he is calm and we will talk. He doesn't want to get out of the car so I walk away leaving both doors open. Thankfully, he soon follows and comes inside. He goes to his room and slams the door a few times. I ignore it.

After a stroll outside with Harper and the babysitter, I come back inside. Z is calm. Hallelujah! We have a talk and I tell him his behavior is unacceptable. He is a completely different child than 15 minutes before. He says, "I'm sorry, Mama, for throwing a tantrum... at my new... preschool." I forgive him and give him a hug. We talk about how disappointed he was about not getting lunch. I think it was partly that he was hungry and he didn't get to eat what they were eating (which apparently looked really good to him) and partly that he was singled out, sitting on a bench while all the kids ate their lunches at the tables. Boy. Well, I know how to do things better next time: prepare him for the lunch thing, getting there right on time (I was 3 minutes late!) before lunch is served. Once again I hear that phrase I hate: "We've never had this happen..." They've seen lots of tantrums over getting dropped off for preschool but none involving a child not wanting to leave. Well, Z is certainly one in a million. And praise the Lord, he is a napping one in a million right now.