Strategies for Crying It Out

Some hopefully helpful strategies for getting through "Crying It Out."

Before embarking on this challenging journey, make sure you are really committed. Are you convinced that this is the best or only method for achieving the result you desire? For me, this usually meant that I had tried other options such as picking up Baby Z and trying to comfort and soothe before putting him back down. This might work once or twice, but usually (for me) it would either stop working or I would realize that I couldn't continue down that path for x number of months. There usually comes a breaking point for me where I am so tired of the situation that I'm willing to really throw down to get through it (e.g., Pacifier Addiction).

Next, determine the action you will take before you are in the situation (such as a 3am wake-up cry). Give yourself time to think it through clearly- what will you do, when will you do it, what will you do if.

• For the 45-minute intruder when Baby Z was 3-4 months old, at first I decided I would let him cry 15 minutes without doing anything. I would listen for any break in the crying. If he stopped crying for a few minutes at a time, or I heard him making the noises of him comforting himself (mmm, sucking on fist, etc.), then I would set the timer in my head to another 15 minutes. I might set an ultimate time limit of within 15 minutes of the next feeding time. If he was still crying at that point, then I would get him up.
  
• For the 45-minute intruder when Baby Z was 6 months old, I realized that I needed to wait it out until he got back to sleep. At this point, his internal clock was set and eating every x hours was not a concern. Assuming I got him his 3 meals and the bedtime feeding, then I didn't need to worry about it being exactly 4 hours apart or anything like that. So, I determined (with help from my BWG) I would let him cry until he fell back asleep (See Mile 13 Wall).

Now, do something to keep yourself distracted. Hop in the shower, go outside and pick weeds, wash dishes with your headphones on. Ideally, you're somewhere you can still hear the baby, but not so close you feel every shake of his tiny little tonsils. If you're just sitting there watching the clock and thinking about the crying, you're very likely to crack. Also, if you go in and peek at him/her, you're also likely to crack. So limit how many times you do that and know what you are hoping to accomplish before you creak open that door (e.g., reassurance he's not stuck in a crib slat).

If you crack (or when, because we all have at one point or another), don't beat yourself up. Focus on the bright side, that you tried something new and you're learning. You may decide on a different strategy that will work great for you. Or, you may realize that the strategy was good, but you weren't quite ready for it yet. I often had to give in on an approach and see the results before I knew what I really had to do and had the resolve to do it. So, remember, every day you learn something new.

Don't forget you are doing what you believe is best for your baby. If you're not sure of that, see first paragraph above. Remember that the immediate difficulty has a long-term purpose. For example, letting baby cry it through the 45-minute intruder will help him learn how to fall back asleep by himself. It will give him greater independence (and you too!) and better, longer naps that help him grow and be more content. Also, don't forget that babies cry. That is one of their main occupations. If you know the baby is fed, has a clean diaper, doesn't have gas or an arm stuck in a crib slat, then let him be. Let him work it out and learn to sleep on his own.

Finally, don't let others decide what is right for you. If you think all of the above is a pile of crap, so be it! Every Mom has to make their own decisions about what they think is best. If you're doing something just because you read it in a book (or on a blog) and you're not really convinced it is right or good- then don't do it!

I hope that helps someone out there. I plan on reading it next time I hit a crying streak.
(Aside: Baby Z is doing much better with his 45-minute intruders now. He usually cries just about 5-10 minutes or so and then goes back to sleep. There are still the times (maybe once a week) where he cries 30-45 minutes, but that certainly beats it happening every day. And the good part is that he is so much happier in the evening before bedtime. There is such a huge difference when he gets more than that 45 minute nap.)