Mess Making During Nap

The up side to no nap? House of total quiet at 9pm. The down side to no nap? Figuring out how to get through quiet play time without gigantic messes (one of which included diaper rash cream and a lot of crying on my part). I've tried a variety of tactics to motivate Z to keep his room clean, and so far there has been a little improvement, but I can't say it's not a problem at all anymore. Sometimes the mess is made in playing - Z likes to pile all his stuff together and then "plow" it across the room. Or sometimes the pile is a natural disaster or sometimes a beaver dam (see picture below). As long as he's not destroying anything I've been telling him he can make messes as long as he cleans them up. I've been telling him he can come out when he's done cleaning everything up.



At first I wasn't sure if it was realistic to expect him to clean up his room on his own. One day he pulled everything out of the dresser- clothes and diapers were everywhere. I told him he had to clean it up and left the room. After crying and praying and trying to calm down, I went back in. I honestly expected it not to be done and I was looking forward to it so I could discipline him. I admit my goal was really punishment, not discipline. I was just still mad that he had made the big mess. When I went in, I was shocked. The room was spotless! He had put everything back- even into the right drawers. Harper's pajamas with Harper's pajamas, Z's with Z's. Diapers in the center cabinet. It wasn't perfect but he did a really good job! Well. I couldn't discipline him after that! I told him I didn't want him to do that again (which he hasn't) and told him he did a good job cleaning up.

But then the cleaning up was taking a REALLY long time. He was in his room for another two hours after the first hour and a half "cleaning" up the mess. I realized that I didn't want him taking that long to clean up. What if we had to go somewhere? So, borrowing an idea from a new book I'm reading, Loving Our Kids On Purpose by Danny Silk (a book which may have just changed my life- I'll write more on it later), I tried a new tactic. I told Z that if he didn't want to clean up the mess he could pay me to do it.

We talked it through a lot and I gave him examples of how he could pay me. I would accept payment in the form of his toys. I listed the toys that were worth enough for my labor: garbage truck, dump truck, fire truck. No, not the stroller- that's Harper's. No, not Elmo (because he doesn't really play with him anymore). No, not books. Why? Because they are something all of us enjoy; they don't belong just to you. This negotiation gave me insight into what Z really valued so I know what the high cost items are.

The first time he told me he wanted to pay me to do it. I said it would cost the garbage truck. But if he wanted to help me clean it up, it wouldn't take me as long so it would cost less. If we cleaned up together it would cost him the dump truck. Deal. We shook hands on it and cleaned the mess together. No fussing or crying. No punishment. The next day I took dump truck with me when I went out by myself. As I was leaving with the truck, Z asked about it and I reminded him that he paid me with it yesterday. He said, "oh... bye dump truck!" With some help from a friend, I "sold" dump truck and showed Z the money in my pocket when I got home.

We've only just started this new approach, so I'm curious to see what effect it has. However, I already like what I see. After Z and I cleaned up the mess together, later in the day, Harper tried to pull books off the shelf. Z said, "No, Harper, I just cleaned that up!!" Does that sound familiar?