Ask any Mom what difficulties they might be going through with their kid(s), and you're likely to hear the words, "It's just a phase." However, it seems to be a curse of motherhood that any previous phase seemed minor and temporary while the current phase seems excruciating and endless. People are generally encouraging and try to be helpful during your current struggle, by reminding you it won't last. I remember when I was trying to switch Baby Z from bottle to sippy cup and someone told me, "he won't be drinking from a bottle when he's 18." This is a well-meant remark intended to give perspective. In the moment, at least for me, it doesn't help in the slightest to think about when your 1-year-old will be 18. You already feel like the last year has been the longest of your life.
I'm currently in full swing in the toddler phase. Everything from the fierce independence to the clingy Mommy-neediness. Some days it feels like everything is a struggle. Changing diapers, washing hands, going inside when it's time, all of these things become battles in the War of Toddlerhood. Then, when I have the opportunity for a break from my precious little one, there is an emotional crying bout as I leave. This includes putting him to bed most nights.
Before I sound like I'm complaining (okay, so I really am), I wanted to write about what my good friend Ann calls the death plunge. You know how it goes. There are a few weeks of easy going and then some road bump or struggle pops up. This is especially true with babies. Things change so quickly that the "progress" of one week seems like eons ago when the following week "regression" takes hold. I remember that it felt like every time Baby Z took two steps forward he took one step back. Unfortunately, it's easy to get caught up in the one step back and project it ad infinitum (i.e., when your child is 18). Suddenly, the whole future seems bleak. You're convinced things will never change and you'll be (fill in blank) feeding your baby at 3am, struggling with nap times, pushing for sippy cups forever. This is the death plunge. The leap from the realm of reality and perspective to the doomsday despair of no hope.
All I can say is we have to remind ourselves, however we can, that it really is a phase. Things really do change. At this point, with Baby Z at 20 months, I should have lots of faith in this fact. However, I admit I've been doing a bit of the death plunge myself this week. So this is my pep talk to myself. Things will change. Enjoy the ride. If you're always waiting for the phase to be over, you miss the joy of the phase. And, really, there is joy in every phase. You just have to find your sense of humor. For example, last night, while I was trying to get dinner on the table (and I'm starving, mind you), Baby Z climbed onto the dining table chair and proceeded to unscrew the tops of the salt and pepper shakers and dump them ALL over. Last night, it felt like the world was going to end. This morning, I kind of wish I took a picture.
Farewell death plunge!
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4 comments:
it is so funny that you write this because i was just in the middle of having a pity party (again) for myself this week, when i stopped myself and said, "this is the only summer you are going to have with your first newborn. why don't you try to enjoy it!?"
it didn't help fix the situation perfectly, but it did help me this week. i am trying to smile at things and think, "when I look back on this time, I will think, 'how simple things were back then,'" etc.
aargh...i always suffer from the grass is greener mentality. i know once he is walking i will wish he was stationary, and etc.
you are on the right track with your thinking.
Ah, the death plunge. Been struggling with that for the past week. Gwendy is still eating all funny and regressing some nights...don't know if the thrush is the cause of the weirdness or if it's working in combination with the distractions in the world of a 3 month old. Anyhow, in the midst of my death-plunge mindset today, Russell sweetly said to me, "Mommy...you, me, daddy and Gendy (he doesn't pronounce the 'w'), we're a family. I love my baby sister." *Sigh* Even though I am dead tired and I don't enjoy the newborn phase, I have to say one of the sweetest things is seeing my older child respond in love to his new little sister and welcome her into our family. There's the silver lining on the cloud. :)
And in honor of trying to expel the death plunge (or at least alleviate it), here's my list of "Great things about having two kids"
1) Hearing your first child pronounce baby's name.
2) Seeing two carseats in the back row of the family car.
3) Knowing that your children will have each other, Lord-willing, when you pass on.
4) Seeing your first child love baby and hearing him thank God in his prayers for her.
5) Seeing baby smile and coo at her older brother.
Thanks for the encouragement. I love how you write so honestly. You capture into words exactly how I am feeling and it is such a blessing to know there are more moms out there that experience what I'm experiencing. Thanks!
aww....how exciting to read the positives of having 2!
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