Time-Outs

When Z turned two, I had in mind to start using the time-out technique for discipline. It took me a while to get things going and we took it slow, but I'm so happy with the results. I really like having another "tool" for disciplining Z. Up until this point we have used spanking and, more recently, reward/deprivation (taking away something he wanted to do).

As for the ramp up for the time-out, I started by getting a little rug I could put in his room in the corner. I involved him in its selection and talked about it a lot. Then, taking Babywise Mom's advice, I started training him a little when there was no discipline issue. I told him that I was going to put him on the rug when he disobeyed. Then, I gave him an example and walked through it. He understood it very quickly and started to refer to it when I used the word discipline (just like he has in the past with spanking).

I had intended to use it the first few times for a minor disobedience (not involving a tantrum) when he would be calm. However, it was during a tantrum that I first used it. I was surprised to see that the isolation and focus of one location actually helped him calm down. Then we talked about what he did wrong and went through the reconciliation. This was especially effective because we could talk about things after he calmed down, and while he was riled up he was still receiving the discipline. It has been hard to use spanking when he has thrown tantrums because, if he is really upset, I can't talk to him about what he did wrong (he is not in a place where he can really listen), and because he is really strong and it's getting harder to hold him on my shrinking lap.

Now, I don't know if you ever watch Super Nanny, but she is a big proponent of the time-out. And almost every episode has a scene where the parent(s) have to continually place the toddler back on the time-out location. It is a perfect example of the battle of wills that begins as a toddler starts to realize they are their own person. The parent who can outlast the persistent toddler is the victor. We had our time-out battle with Z yesterday. He was being disciplined for a tantrum. He was already really tired and this tantrum was among his worst. John put him on the time-out rug, explained what it was for and said he had to stay for two minutes. Z proceeded to crawl off the rug immediately after we put him on it. John put him back on. Z crawled off. John put him back on. Z crawled off. This went on for 15 minutes (you know I timed it). Fifteen minutes of relentlessness. I even took a turn moving Z back on when John got tired. I could only do it a few minutes it was so exhausting. The entire time Z is crying and not once sitting on the rug for longer than five seconds.

I am ashamed to admit that I questioned John during the process. In my mind I knew this was a showdown we had to win. But in my heart I wondered if Z could really do it. Was he too tired? How long would we have to do it? Are we sure this is how we want to do it? John firmly stated we would keep doing it until Z stayed on the rug. I am so thankful for my husband. After 15 minutes, Z stayed on the rug, sucked his thumb and calmed down. When his two minutes were up we praised him for obeying (sitting on the rug) and told him how much we loved him and that our discipline was because we loved him. He gave us big hugs and seemed very relieved that it was over (the two minutes or the battle, I wonder?).

There will be other battles, but at least I know we can win.

Encouragement

It's been a rough couple of weeks with the developmental evaluation (and aftermath) and then Z getting a bad cold. He was very clingy and needy for many days. It brought out the nurturer in me for the first couple days, but then I just got really tired of it. On top of the cold, Z started another round of fit-throwing. It was so discouraging to be back working on tantrums again. I know that it's not like they get "cured" one day of a bad behavior, but we hadn't had it too bad since the first struggle when Z was 18 months. Anyway, I couldn't help but link some of his communication frustration with the tantrums, so that made it even harder [to think that he was (we were) struggling because of the speech delay].

However, as it goes with parenting (and life in general), the rough period has smoothed out a little and I'm feeling hopeful again. Z started to feel better and our discipline of the tantrums started to show some fruit. We started using time-outs more regularly and I was so surprised to see Z understand and accept them quickly. I'll do another post on that, but the bottom line is that things are going better. We've had a few really fun outings and visits where Z was his most charming self. It was so much fun to see other people enjoy him and remember all the really wonderful gifts that Z has. It's so easy to lose perspective and see only the negative behavior. This makes me remember another reason to blog-- writing down the good stuff will help me hang on to hope when we hit another tough time.

Bringing Delay to the Light

So Z had his appointment for a developmental and speech assessment. It was much more challenging than I anticipated. And it has left me emotionally train-wrecked for the last few days. Cutting to the chase, they did recommend Z go to group therapy for an expressive speech delay. I'm glad to be doing something about it, but for now, it's hard to wait for that (paperwork takes a few weeks).

The whole experience has been painful but beneficial for me. As much as I already knew that there was likely a problem, seeing it more concretely and hearing others confirm it was hard. The process itself (the developmental assessment) was very difficult. They had to test Z on a wide range of physical and comprehension abilities. At first it was hard to get Z to focus on the task at hand when there were lots of new things to look at and a stranger (a very nice one) cajoling him to participate. I was able to help a little and he started to do some of the things she was asking, like open a container, play with a puzzle, throw a ball, etc.

As the tasks got harder, Z got more and more tired and more and more frustrated. He wouldn't do things that I know he can do and he fussed and made "nnn" kind of noises that show he's uncomfortable/unhappy. It was so hard to watch as he was unable to do things I know he can do and then to not even try other things. It felt like we were both failing a test. The occupational therapist told me that they had to push him past his ability to see how far he could go. So, I knew that there were things they were asking that a two year-old probably wouldn't be able to do. But I didn't know which skills were supposed to be beyond him and which ones were expected. That felt like failing an unfair test.

Toward the end, the therapist told me that it often happens that they won't do things in the evaluation that they do at home all of the time. She told me not to be discouraged when I see the report they send me, and that the evaluation is only a reflection of that point in time in that situation. That made me feel better, but I'm guessing that report is going to be really hard to read.

All of this brought a lot of difficult emotions to the surface. There is, of course, the feeling of failure, which I know is a lie. There is nothing either of us did to cause this. Reading one more book, singing one more song, enrolling him in a play class would not have changed this situation. We are where we are. The worst part was that I started to look at Z differently. I would flash to his frustrated grunts in that room and imagine him like that as an eight year-old trying to do homework. I started to see only the upset, mostly mute boy in that room. It took some time and help from others for me to remember that Z is a charming, bright, curious, capable toddler. Other kids like him. Other adults like him. He is a unique individual who God created, and I need to love him for exactly who he is, not who I might want him to be.

The thing is, I know in my head that this is a very small problem that is manageable and fixable. This is not a terminal disease or a life-altering disability. By the time Z is five (or even sooner), we will hardly remember that there was any delay at all. However, it is one thing to know something and another to feel it. I couldn't help but feel the disappointment and failure. I felt discouraged and sad and overwhelmed. But the past few days have been an exercise of mind over heart. After finally balling my eyes out to my husband and sharing all of the dark feelings and thoughts, I started to heal and accept. I had to sweep the feelings into the light before my brain could start to combat them on an equal footing. John was understanding, comforting and gentle in pointing out the truth about Z and the whole situation. He helped bring me back to the light of the truth rather than the darkness of my own inner turmoil.

It's encouraging to know that we will have help with this and I'm excited to think about Z being able to communicate more clearly and completely. Anything new can be overwhelming and I'm trying to give myself a break that I have a lot of hormones and tiredness right now that make it feel worse. I need to be patient with myself and with Z during this process. Not to mention a little thing called Christmas is right around the corner. I so want to be present to enjoy and savor each moment with Z- his last Christmas with just Mama and Dada.

TV Land

Since Z turned two, I've been letting him watch television. Two is the recommended age by the American Pediatric Association, but it was also what I thought was a good age for Z to actually absorb something from the experience rather than just being entranced. I also knew that it would be hard to stop once we started, so I just wanted to put it off for a while longer.

It is pretty delightful to see him get excited about dancing cartoon do-dee-do's on the TV. I've started to record some PBS shows (Caillou, Sesame Street, Sid the Science Kid) so I have something on hand for him. John put in Toy Story for him the other night for a few minutes and Z was more excited about sticking the DVD into the machine than the show. He has spent the last week sliding DVDs underneath our TiVo since then. Hee hee. (The DVD machine is locked behind the cabinet doors.)

Anyway, now that we've entered TV land, I have to admit it can be quite a temptation for both of us now. Already. Z really enjoys it and I get some time to myself to focus on something. It is SOO tempting to turn it on whenever I need it. I need to set some limits for us so I have some kind of line to keep us from watching hours of TV every day. Maybe 30 minutes? Hmm... Most of the time he'll only watch for 15 minutes or so before moving on to something else. I guess I'll start with 30 minutes and see how it goes. It was especially nice the last few days when Z had a fever. He could rest and watch TV for a bit and we didn't go as stir-crazy staying indoors.

Well, I better go turn off the TV. Z and I need to get outside and go to the park. Thanks to Caillou for this 15 minutes of uninterrupted time.

Thanksgiving

Why is it harder to be thankful some days? For me, I tend to get into a spiral of negativity. If something goes wrong, I can let it take things over. I get engrossed in what is going wrong in the day instead of paying attention to what is right and good. How much better would all of life be if we were simply thankful ALL of the time? Jesus came to give us abundant life and yet we choose to not notice, or worse, deny it.

As it has been one of my recent spiritual goals to be grateful (to combat resentment and bitterness), I'm going to take some time to list some things for which I'm thankful. I hope you all don't mind if some of these are a little more personal than what I would share with my in-laws around the Thanksgiving dinner table.

• My husband and his provision for our family that allows me to be at home with Z
  
• My beautiful boy, Z, who challenges me to be a better person by simply pressing the water lever on the fridge and spraying water everywhere
  
• My difficulty putting on socks and the constant need to pull up my pants because I'm carrying a little baby girl
  
• Family who have seen me through every phase of my life and who I enjoy spending time with; Family gained through marriage who give our little family-unit space and respect to be what we want to be and who l enjoy spending time with.
  
• Friends who love my son like a nephew, friends that make me laugh, friends who have or are having babies, friends I can go to for advice, friends I love to have dinner with, friends I can shop with (and who'll tell me that color really doesn't work)
  
• The leak in the roof over our bed, which reminds me what a blessing it is to have a home
  
• The extra "padding" pregnancy gives me that John enjoys so much (and another reason to be thankful for the first item above)
  
• Pumpkin pie, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin bread with chocolate chips, round, orange pumpkins everywhere
  
• Traveling while on my couch, in bed, brushing my teeth: reading a book
  
• A stand mixer and colder weather, which make me want to bake
  
• Good music on an ipod and a walk with Z in the jog stroller
  
• Our down comforter and my toasty husband on a cold night
  
• Garbage trucks and trash cans, which bring Z so much joy
  
• Babysitters, of the familial and professional variety, who give me a break and make me happy to come home again
  
• Thanksgiving, the holiday that gives and doesn't expect much in return
  

P.S. One more item: the internet and Google. I'm making a pecan pie and I just googled what it's supposed to look like when it's done. Yeah! Thanks to Visual Recipes

Two Year Checkup

We just went to Z's 2-year doctor checkup. Overall, it was great. I was able to talk to the doctor about some concerns I had and I felt like we addressed everything.

First, Z has still had problems with constipation (see The Straight Poop). It's been a challenge every single day to make sure I'm getting him vegetables (but not cooked carrots apparently) and juice and not too many carbohydrates. I started counting grams of fiber (a real eye-opener I would recommend to everyone) in what he was eating. I cut back on how much milk he was drinking (from 24 to 18-20 ounces). I've called the doctor's office in the past and talked to the nurse who suggested more juice. Really? I didn't want to give him more the 4 ounces a day and it didn't seem to help that much.

After talking to my doctor (whose daughter also has a similar problem), she suggested I use Miralax. It's a mild laxative that dissolves in any liquid. I can tailor the dose to what Z will need to help him along. I so appreciated my doctor's response that eating can be enough of a struggle with toddlers so she didn't see any reason to not help things along in the poop department. I am so relieved to be able to feed Z a balanced diet but not freak out when he's had a little more bread or cheese one day. We've only been on it for a day, but there has already been an improvement. I just have to find the right balance of just enough and not too much. Hallelujah! I can't tell you how much better I feel knowing that his screaming and crying with a poop won't be a weekly (if not twice weekly) occurrence.

Second, I talked to my doctor about Z's speech development. Since my last post (Word to Yo Motha), I talked to a friend who is a child speech therapist and changed my outlook on things. I told her how many words Z uses regularly and she said that she thought we should get him evaluated. She explained how there is so much they can do to help things along and that they learn so quickly at this age. She said the evaluation would be very casual and not scary for Z. Bottom line: what could it hurt? And the possible benefits are big if we do find something major or minor that we can work on.

I realized that it was a selfish pride that made me shy away from it. Of course we want to think our children are perfect. Admitting that Z has a speech delay was a hard thing for me. It still is, honestly. Also, as a parent, It's always easy to think you messed something up. I realized my true feelings about it more when I brought it up with my Mom and John mentioned it to his parents. I was very cautious and worried about what they would think or say. I don't know what I was thinking. All the grandparents are completely on board that it will be a good thing for Z. And, going into it, I have the blessing of being very confident that we aren't dealing with a autism spectrum disorder. My doctor reassured me that Z had really great eye contact and normal social interaction. That helps me to not fear the potential results of Z's evaluation.

I'm also encouraged that just in the last couple of weeks, with my focus on his words, I have encouraged Z to try more words and I have seen a big jump in the sounds he tries to make and repeat. And that is without me really knowing what to teach him. Think what we'll be able to do when we know what a speech therapist recommends! I think he has realized the importance and power of words more now. He definitely understands that a well-repeated phrase can be hilarious. At the store, I said, "Oh, man!" because of something. He started repeating it and it is the funniest thing. It sounds like, "ah, maaa," but he imitates the same intonation. I'll have to get it on video. We've had a lot of laughs about it.

So, all in all, an excellent checkup. I'm so, so happy about the easier pooping. And I'm really excited for what we're going to learn with Z's speech evaluation. I'll be sure to post about it when we go (not for a couple of weeks).

P.S. On a side note related to the checkup, Z had to get three shots (in the arm? does that start when they turn two?) and then have his blood drawn. The shots were bad, but we got through it. But the blood draw... oh, maaa.... it was terrible. It took me and two big guy technicians to hold him down. And they had a hard time getting the vein so you can imagine.... Surprisingly, I handled it all very calmly- and I can't even look when my own blood is drawn. Anyway, I have even MORE sympathy for those parents who have to go through a child's sickness or surgery. God grants courage to parents.

Birthday Boy

The day is finally here! Baby Z is TWO YEARS OLD! I will officially transition to using "Z" or "BBZ" (Big Boy/ Big Brother Z) as his moniker.
I took this picture yesterday with a new t-shirt he got from Uncle and Auntie M. I asked if I could take his picture on the front porch, thinking he would just stand there. He plopped himself down on the step and gave me a nice smile. Sometimes this kid can just melt me into a pool with his sweetness.

We got a few books from the library about birthdays, so I think he kind of gets that it's a special day, but I think it will sink in more when we have family over on Friday night.
I had my usual MOPS meeting this morning so we will really start celebrating this afternoon. Although, his babysitter, Miss Sarah, takes him around to see trash cans, so that's a celebration already! This afternoon we're going to try finger painting for the first time. I got him the paints and a big paper pad for his birthday, but the real gift is me getting over my aversion to mess and letting him do it.

For dinner, we are going to have pancakes. I think it may be a tradition for us to have breakfast for dinner for birthdays. Unless Z turns out to be more of a steak guy or something and then I guess we'll go with whatever he wants. But who doesn't love breakfast for dinner?
This picture says it all:


Happy Birthday to my special little guy!

The Crabbies

If you ask my husband about my last pregnancy, one of the first things he would probably mention is my mood. Let's just say it transgressed easily into temper and aggression. Oh yeah, and then there was the irrational stubbornness, emotional frustration and complete lack of self-control when tired or hungry.
IT'S BA-ACK!

I've had more moments lately of temper and frustration. It's usually when I'm tired, but I seem to be tiring more easily now. And, sometime it's the smallest thing that pushes me over the edge, like, a shirt that rubs me the wrong way (and has been doing it all day), or a hair that keeps tickling my forehead. I lose my patience with Baby Z and then I take it all out on John. Where did that second trimester energy and euphoria go?

So, one thing I've instituted lately is having one hour per weekend for myself away from the house. John has always been great about giving me any time I need, but I realized that I have a hard time asking for it. I never thought I would struggle with that, but I do hesitate asking if I have recently asked for John's help a lot. As if there is a quota and I only get so much time per week? I know it's silly, but I can't deny I feel it. The one hour a weekend is a way for me to always have the time and not have to ask. We have only done one weekend so far, but it felt really good. I looked forward to it and really appreciated the time. We were flexible about when I took it; Saturday got too busy so I went Sunday afternoon. Some weekends it might not work out, but at least both John and I will make it a priority.

Did I come back from my time away with a shining new attitude to serve my family? Unfortunately, no. Sad to say, I let the crabbiness bubble up to the surface. Perhaps the next weekend I will spend some time praying and thinking about the wonderful gifts in my life. My one hour weekend time isn't a cure all, but, used the right way, I hope it will help a little.

33

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a very good day - the perfect mix of time with Baby Z, time by myself (a little shopping), time with a close friend and, finally, dinner with my husband. All my friends and family made me feel loved and appreciated. Even Baby Z was a little more mellow than usual (unfortunately, because of a cold) and we spent time sitting on Mama and Dada's bed reading books.

Perhaps because yesterday was so great, today is hard. Baby Z is cranky because of his cold. He also didn't take a long nap, so I'm delaying the inevitable at the moment- when I go get him and then I spend the rest of the day trying to keep him occupied and dealing with tantrums. I hate colds. It's hard to find the right balance between keeping up our standard for behavior while allowing for some grace because he doesn't feel well. Everyone is crabby when they're sick. I know I am, for sure.

Well, anyway, I mostly wanted to write to tell everyone how thankful I am for the awesome birthday. I am so richly blessed to have such loving family and friends.

Off to get the dude. He is especially pitiful with his hoarse little crying voice. Sigh.

Enjoying the One-Child Moment

I got some good advice from a friend recently who reminded me that I should enjoy the time I have left when it is just Baby Z and me. It really put things in perspective that the one-child phase of my life will soon be over. Wasn't I just thinking about the no-child phase being over?
So, I started a list of things I want to do with Baby Z before February. Some are things we've done before and some will be new. Here's a start:

• Children's train ride at local park
  
• Bike ride
  
• Another petting zoo
  
• Beach (maybe Dog Beach?)
  
• Fingerpaint (I got some for his birthday)
  
• Fly a kite
  
• Visit babies in the hospital (prep for when our baby girl comes)
  
• Storytime at the library
  
• Start timeouts
  
• Go on walks with Baby Z on a tricycle (we want to get him one for Christmas)
  
• Teach Baby Z to jump (he's almost there!)
  
• Play with flashlights on Mom & Dad's bed
  
• Read one more book when Baby Z asks
  

Not to say that I can't do these things after Baby Girl comes, but I do want to cherish the moments we have together now. Before I know it Baby Z will be BBZ (Big Brother/Boy Z).

Love Me Some Orange

Baby Z's Halloween costume was adorable for 2.5 minutes. It was a balmy 75 degrees that night and this fur was really warm:


I had to really regroup to remember that Halloween was about having fun and not get too disappointed about the short-lived costume. After peeling the costume off a writhing Baby Z, we went to a Fall Festival at my Mom's church. It's the same one I went to many, many times as a kid and a lot of the games were exactly the same. Talk about a blast from the past. Anyway, the bouncy house was Baby Z's favorite thing, although he really liked eating 3 mini-cupcakes also.

The day before Halloween, we went to a pumpkin patch that has rides and a petting zoo. Baby Z LOVED riding the choo-choo train. He got to sit in the front car and he rang the bell the entire time. It was so adorable! I was grinning the entire time. I finally understand why parents go to Disneyland and places like that. Seeing that look of joy on his face was worth the inconveniences (crowds, heat, cost, etc.).


All in all, our fall and Halloween festivities were fun. What's better than a pumpkin bigger than your child?

Word to Yo Motha

In anticipation of Baby Z's two year check up, I have been faithfully chronicling the words that Baby Z can currently say. From what I read, from 2-3 years old a child will have between 50 and 300 words. It's probably obsessive, but I want to be completely accurate when I talk to the doctor about it. The list is 30 words long right now. And I am counting things that don't sound quite right, but are close and he uses them consistently. He seems to favor sound effects mostly- my favorite being "doh," as in Homer Simpson, which I admit I say quite often.

I think Baby Z is on the later end of speech development, but perhaps only slightly so for boys. But it's not hard to see that within a year he will have A LOT more words (well within the range I noted above). Anyway, for peace of mind, I'm going to talk to the doctor about it. He shows lots of understanding and communicates well with signs and the words he does have. I don't think I would want to intervene in any way until after 2 1/2 years old, if we didn't see continued improvement. So far, there has been steady growth but I just want to keep an eye on it, you know. I have friends who've told me their boys started suddenly speaking in full sentences after the age of two. I have talked myself out of the idea that he will wake up the day of his birthday and say, "Good morning, Mama. Cereal, please?" However, recently I've noticed he is trying more sounds and imitating what I say occasionally (usually when it is a moment that will push my patience, such as when I say, "Get down, now," in the full Mother voice. Then Baby Z decides it's a good time to say "now.").

Who can understand the wonders of an individual child's development. Why did Baby Z start walking at 15 months with near perfection, hardly a spill or fall. And why does he now say "ush" for hush, as in "the little old lady whispering hush," when he has never said "ball" or "baby." Hm. Well, he is his own little person and I'll just keep encouraging him to try new sounds and words. If speech development followed interests, his next word would be "trash" or "lawn mower" or "sprinkler."

Baby Z at the Zoo

I can't believe it's been over a week since I last posted. What the heck have I been doing? It's been busy and it keeps up through Christmas. I'm glad; I like the days to go by quickly.

Baby Z and I went to the zoo last week. It's a small zoo not too far away and I planned to spend about an hour or so. I though the monkeys would be a huge hit, but it turns out that the animal Baby Z liked best was the llama:

Besides that, he loved pointing out the sprinklers and lights. And there was a play area where he could practice his "up" and "do" (down) skills. There was a hill built over this tunnel he could run up and over:


Baby Z did pretty well at obeying and following directions, but it was challenging to corral him, keep up with the stroller, lift him up to see animals, etc. It's definitely easier if you have two parents there. However, I'm trying to work on Baby Z's obedience outdoors because before too long I'm just going to have even more to handle.

P.S. This is what happens when you blog while Baby Z is not down for his nap yet:

Garden Brunch Shower

The baby shower for Auntie J was a HUGE success! The decorations turned out as cute as I had imagined and all the Aunties brought along excellent, yummy food. Auntie J got showered and showered with gifts and love. Here are some pictures:

Set up, with Baby Z a little grumpy about all the unusual activity. John whisked him away shortly after this:

I pasted paper butterflies and birds on the paper lanterns (big and small) and we hung those from the patio cover. For tables, I covered cardboard boxes with white paper and then a pretty colored paper on top like a kind of tablecloth (you can see one in the distance in the second picture). Then, we hung a clothesline of cute onesies on the far end of the patio above what became the gift table. All of these things in fresh shades of green, blue and chocolate brown.


The game was a Name that Baby Tune kind of game, where I played a montage of 11 children's songs. Not only did they have to identify the song, they had to remember them. They couldn't start writing the songs down until the music had stopped. I tried this at another shower and it was perhaps a bit too challenging, so this time I cut down the number of songs. However, I'm proud to say that it is probably the hardest baby shower game ever! Wahahaa!

Besides the game, all the ladies gave great advice while Auntie J opened their present (this was Auntie J's idea, which if you knew her you wouldn't be the least surprised at that). The ladies also wrote in a little journal for J to have and continue her own thoughts on being a Mommy.

Afterwards, a whirlwind of ladies helped with clean up and the whole thing was disassembled in about 30 minutes. It was an amazing show of female harmony and teamwork. Someone commented on how women just know what needs to get done and handle it. By the time I got back inside, my kitchen was even cleaner than when we started the day!

So, all in all, it was so much fun and I had such a good time doing it all. I'll write more later about the awesome womanly fellowship that continued after the shower.

Girly Fun This Weekend

This weekend is full of girl fun. On Saturday, we're having a baby shower for my best friend J (AKA Auntie J) at my house. I've been working steadily for months working on getting our backyard in shape (it's a "garden brunch") and planning for everything. It's finally here and I'm so excited! Then, after the shower, we're having a slumber party with a small group of us to catch up and hang out. My four best friends since junior high will all be here (Auntie K doesn't live in town) and we'll do all our favorites for slumber parties, such as making pazookie (for those not familiar with the BJ's restaurant dessert: huge chocolate chip cookie spread on a pan with vanilla ice cream, eaten right out of the pan) and talking late enough into the night until Auntie K is the first to fall asleep.
Happy Weekend to everyone!

Basking in the Girl Glow

It's amazing how much peace and settling came with finding out we're having a girl. I'm SO EXTREMELY thankful. It really was my heart's desire and I prayed for it. Of course, God absolutely owes me nothing, so I was setting myself up to be thankful for God's plans for our family, no matter what they were. And now, I'm just so thankful for God's blessing to me (and of course John and Baby Z, although they didn't have as strong as a preference).

Now that I know there's a Baby Girl (no longer BNT) in there, I'm feeling that special connectedness I had with Baby Z. Those private moments when she wiggles around and no one knows except me and her. I call her Baby Girl and think about all of the important things I need to teach her, just like my Mom taught me. I think about whether she'll be a little tom-boyish (like I was) or a girly-girl. I wonder if she'll be adventurous and if she'll like books. Will she look more like John than Baby Z does? Will she get my green eyes? So far, the ultrasound shows an upper lip just like Baby Z (and me) but with a little more of a button nose than Baby Z had in his ultrasounds.

The biggest thing, though, is will she turn out to be a woman of the Lord who is my daughter and also a friend? My Mom is definitely my friend now and I dream of having that with my daughter one day. It makes me tear up just to say "my daughter." (But, wow, these girly hormones really are something. Smile. At least I'm not having to contain rages leaning toward physical violence like I was when I carried Baby Z. No wonder men are crazy with all that testosterone swimming around. Hee.)

Anyway, praise God for His goodness. And thank you all for your nice comments and well-wishing.

Today's the Day!

At exactly 19 1/2 weeks (the soonest second this ultrasound place allows) I'm going to get the "anatomy" ultrasound for Baby Number Two. I am so excited and anxious to make sure everything is okay and to see if BNT is a boy or girl. So, in about two hours, assuming BNT cooperates, we'll know whether we need to find a boy name or a girl name. Since I'm currently drawing a blank on both, hopefully today will knock a few ideas loose.

I'll update later today on the news.
*************************************************
Update: 1:25pm PT

IT'S A GIRL!!! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Now that it's a reality, I can really show how much I wanted a girl. I am so excited! Here are the pics: one of her lady bits (look for white lines) and one of her adorable profile.

Monday, My Dear Friend

Monday, when did you get so fair
I love you now when you used to wear
We stay at home, clean, nap and play
Sometimes I wish you would just stay

But Tuesdays are good for getting out
It's time for a change or Baby Z starts to pout
We go to the store, library and usually the park
We are both pretty tired by the time it gets dark

Oh, Wednesday....you day of the hump
You really are quite a bump
Searching for something different to do
How many times can you read Mr. Brown Can Moo

By Thursday, we're thinking of the weekend
It's time for a visit to do-dee-do, Baby Z's first friend
We head on over to Grammy's and play around the pool
Baby Z starts to get naughty and break lots of rules

Friday, a sweet friend of a time mostly gone
The one who knew me before I was a Mom
I dress up and roll my computer into work
A break for me and Baby Z: definitely a perk

Saturday and Sunday, a pair not unlike Janus
Sometimes with gales of laughter you fan us
Other times it can be simply a matter of survival
When chores, busy schedules and arguments stifle

But no matter what each weekday brings
The days that cry and the days that sing
I want to be thankful for each day's beginning and end
But I'm sure happy to see my fair Monday again

Two Kids One Room

With BNT on the way, we are thinking through our sleeping arrangements. We have a two-bedroom home, so Baby Z and BNT are going to share a bedroom. It's not a very big room, so I did some research on beds and cribs this weekend. Here's the scoop:

• we can fit one portable crib (41in H x 26in W x 40in L) and one regular crib (44in H x 30in W x 58in L) without removing any of the current furniture
  
• we can fit one regular crib and one toddler bed (30in H x 28in W x 57in L) but have to remove a rocking chair and little reading table
  
• we can fit one toddler bed and one twin bed (14in H x 41in W x 77in L) but have to remove a rocking chair, little reading table and the dresser/changing table (we could fit a smaller one)

The plan for now is to get a portable crib for BNT. That way, I can wheel him/her around the house depending on what rooms are in use. My bedroom for naps during the day, living room during the night. Although separating a crying baby from Baby Z by a small hallway and a door is probably not going to make a huge difference, at least I won't have to go into the room and look into Baby Z's crying, sleepy eyes when BNT wakes up. People tell me that toddlers get used to the new noise and eventually don't wake up (can anyone substantiate this claim?).

Then in the first 6 months or so after BNT is born, we'll see when Baby Z (who we'll need to call Big Boy Z at that point) is ready for the toddler bed. I'm thinking we'll wait and see when he starts climbing out of the crib (I can't believe he hasn't figured it out yet!). Around that time, if BNT is sleeping sufficiently at night, we'll pop him/her in the crib right next to Big Brother Z's bed. We're good in that arrangement for up to 2 years, I think. Then, we could move on to a twin and a toddler bed or possibly even a bunk bed situation. Wow! It's crazy to think of having a 4 year-old and a 2 year-old. One step at a time, one step at a time.

Now you all have insight into the workings of my relentless planning mind. Once I figured all of this out I had a huge sense of ease and acceptance of BNT and the upcoming change to our family. Now, in a week and a half (October 1st!), we'll find out hopefully if BNT is he or she. How fun!

Return to MOPS

This week I'm starting up with MOPS (Mothers of Pre Schoolers) group again. I joined last year at this time, when Baby Z was almost a year. It was such a blessing to find other Moms to talk to and have an opportunity to get out of the house with daycare regularly (twice a month). This year, the MOPS group I attend was so popular that I'm on the waiting list for childcare. That is, they don't have enough room for all the kids, but I can come if I find my own childcare. I didn't realize how much MOPS meant to me until I faced the possibility of not having it.

This happened to work out nicely with another plan I was considering: getting a babysitter each week so I could work a little more (get out of the house, change of pace, etc.). So, we've worked it out where I have a babysitter (who God sovereignly provided!) every Wednesday morning. One Wednesday I go to MOPS, the next I go to work. The work day helps pay for the babysitting and we get a little extra cash too. I am extremely thankful for my flexible job and the opportunity to switch things up a little. Before too long I'll have BNT (Lord willing) to take care of and I'll be landlocked for a while. I'm going to enjoy these extra outings while I can.

For those who've never heard of MOPS, check it out. Local churches host a MOPS group and they're open to everyone. The one I go to is at a local church where some friends go (not my own church). It is a Christian based organization, and you'll find most of the ladies are Christians who attend, but it is by no means a requirement to be one. There's food, a speaker (on a variety of topics from gardening to ideas for keeping up your relationship with your husband), and usually a craft. We are organized in groups that we stay with for a semester so there is time to get to know people; and the discussion topics get you rolling on a real level, so it doesn't stay chit-chatty the entire time. It's perfect for me, an introvert who prefers smaller groups of people.

Anyway, I'm excited to start my new Wednesdays. Baby Z gets to play with Miss Sarah and I get some time away. Yeah!

How To Survive Being A Mom

I've recently had some tough days where I wondered (again) why I wanted to be a Mom. Of course, down inside (sometimes deep, deep), I don't regret even a second of having Baby Z. However, there are moments where I fantasize about "the gypsies taking him away," as a friend of mine says. So, I've refocused a little bit on tools and strategies that make being a Mom a little easier.

You'll read all kinds of tips like that for new Moms, since the newborn phase is so engrossing. As Baby Z has gotten older and we've become more mobile and able to do more things (in and out of the house), I haven't noticed as much that feeling that a little person is consuming me limb by limb. Beware, however: it lurks still. Unfortunately, I don't recognize it until some tragedy like spilt milk (excuse the cliche') throws me over the edge. After some time to think, reading a few articles, and reflecting back to what I did when the baby literally was sucking the energy right out of me, I've come to share a few ideas.

1. Find a support system: this is everyone from the friend you can REALLY be yourself with to the people who can babysit (including professionals- see post Land of the Free).
-- a. Find some Mom friends if you don't have them already. You have to have someone to talk to about the consistency of your child's poop, nap time problems, feeling like a milk-machine. It feels so good to find someone in the same stage who GETS IT. I recommend not trying to make your spouse fill this role.
-- b. Keep your non-Mom friends. Not only are they the ones who knew you pre-baby, they are probably not obsessed with baby. You won't talk to them about spit up and nap times and this is a very good thing!

2. Make time for yourself. Time by yourself. This does not include time you are pseudo-alone in the house while the kiddo sleeps. This also does not include time with your spouse, such as a date time, as important as that is (see number 3). Making time for yourself may be something as simple as a trip to the grocery store by yourself. This weekend, I went to the grocery store one day (30 minutes) and the hardware store another day (30 minutes) by myself. At the time I didn't think much of it, but I realized after that it REALLY helped! Who would have thought even 30 minutes could make a difference, but it did for me!

3. Don't forget to spend time with your spouse. Take the time you have; turn off the TV and talk for 10 minutes. Go on dates (even if it's only Taco Bell and only for an hour). Make time for sex. (I would have died if my 25-year-old self saw my future self writing that!)

4. Have a strategy. Whatever stage you are in, you need a plan. Now, I know there are people out there who really don't need a plan. Living each day as it comes is perfectly fine for them. I am not that person. And, I'm guessing that a good percentage of the female population is not that person. (If you are that person, skip to number 5.) For those of us who like a plan, think through where you are and where you want to be. Consult books, friends, the internet. Cobble together a plan that works for you and stick to it (at least for a week or so and then perhaps you'll find the plan doesn't work and you adjust the plan). Having a strategy is a saving grace to me. From how to establish a routine for my infant to handling tantrums, without a plan I am lost (and stressed and unhappy).

5. Don't forget the reason for it all. For me, this reason is to glorify God in everything I do. Does this mean I'm singing praise songs while picking up Baby Z's poo off the floor? (Yes, another diaper incident, people.) Probably not, but it does mean I'm praying for patience and calm to not get upset about it. Glorifying God also means I talk to Him (pray) and read His Word. Remembering the big picture of eternity makes me (sometimes) less likely to freak out about the troubles of day to day.

You Know You're Pregnant When...

You know you're pregnant when you find yourself eating a powder donut out of the trunk of your car. You dug it out of the packed up grocery bags because you couldn't wait until you got home. And the reason you got the donuts is because you swear you smelled the jelly filled powdered donuts you grew up with as a kid in the grocery store only to find that they don't carry them. You settle for the mini powdered donettes, but think about that raspberry filling the rest of the day.

tantrum [ˈtӕntrəm] noun: A fit of bad temper.

Have you ever seen that Mom in the store whose child is throwing a fit? I'm sure most of the time you felt bad for the Mom, and, if we're honest, there were times when you thought, "I'm never going to let my kid get away with that." Oh man. I am that Mom.

Since Baby Z turned 18 months he has decided to explore his independence by exercising his right to be upset. He cries, he does the limp noodle onto the floor, he runs to the wall and smacks his hands against it, he knock things around (an especially good effect when eating). We mostly tried the "ignore it" or "remove the audience" approach for the first few months. This worked pretty well; the tantrum would diffuse pretty quickly. However, Baby Z has grown in strength and stamina. He knows that this technique can sometimes work, i.e., he gets what he wants. I swore I wouldn't be that Mom. I thought I would stand up to him on principal alone, such as: "No, you cannot eat your vegetables right now. You can't get what you want just by throwing a fit!" But slowly, I started to let it happen. It is a slippery slope, my friends.

First it would be something like having the check-out person at the grocery store quickly (quickly!) scan the box of pasta so I could give it back to Baby Z because he HAD to hold it. Then I would find myself negotiating with Baby Z to get him into the car when he wanted to play in the yard. The idea of simply commanding my child to do something and having him follow (what I expected of my parenting) started to slip away. Then, before I knew it, slight moments of discomfort became full-on battles of will. When I really needed him to get in the car I had to pick him up and carry him there, potentially kicking and screaming.

Perhaps the Moms of toddlers know what's coming next. I had a break down. Or maybe a couple. Lots of crying and wondering why life is so hard. Thankfully, God uses breakdowns to wake me up and turn me around. I consulted (again) the several books we have on discipline. I thought through my approach for handling disobedience and crying fits (loss of self control). I sought advice. I prayed (and begged God) for wisdom. I decided what I wanted to do. Oh yeah, then I remembered that I should discuss all of this with my husband (oops).

After all of that, both John and I are refocused on discipline. We are now disciplining Baby Z for temper tantrums and crying fits. I finally realized that he was not going to stop unless he understood it was unacceptable and there were consequences, just like any other training situation, such as touching dangerous objects. Discipline for throwing fits is a little harder than the more tangible infractions because it involves emotion and frustration- genuine feelings Baby Z cannot stop. However, we can teach him how to deal with those emotions and help him learn self control. We talk to him a lot about self control and staying calm when he is upset. When he doesn't work to calm himself down, I show him what self control looks/feels like, by hugging him tight and putting his two hands together. If he is really out of control (where he won't be able to converse during the discipline), I put him in his crib to calm down. This is usually accompanied by my own time out (sans crib).

Also, both John and I have started talking to Baby Z more about our expectations before a situation. I tell him before we walk out of the house that we're going straight to the car rather than playing. John tells Baby Z we're having dinner in the restaurant and we expect him to eat and be patient; no throwing food or crying/complaining. I was pretty surprised how much that actually helped. Baby Z still doesn't say a lot of words yet, but he understands A LOT.

I can't say yet that we've had resounding success. It's something I'm sure we are going to struggle with for a long time (self control is a lifelong pursuit, after all), but I am hopeful it will start to get a little easier. The thing with discipline that I've noticed is that it seems impossible at first (if I discipline him for that, I will do nothing but discipline all day long), but with some consistency and hard days/weeks, it does start to get better. I'm trying to think about my day in terms of training Baby Z rather than the list of to-do's. I have to be ready to put in the time no matter what I'm doing at that moment. And I have to be ready to follow through with what I say, such as the woman* in parenting folklore who exits the grocery store when a child misbehaves no matter where she is in the process. In the middle of checkout. Apologize. Walk away. Oh, the courage of that woman! May she inspire me one day when I need it.

* I actually know this woman and am extremely thankful for the things I've already learned from her. And she probably doesn't even know it. Thanks JW up north.

Special Play Time & One Nap Results

We've continued our pursuit of the peaceful, special "alone" play time with Baby Z. It has gotten much, much better. Baby Z knows what it is, knows it will end and even doesn't mind it. I praise him vigorously for doing well in it and tell his Dada all about it when he gets home. When I say "special play time," Baby Z points to his play yard fence. :) Eventually we'll move on to him playing in his room, but I'm going to keep with the fence a little while longer.

Besides the fact that Baby Z is liking the play time more, it is nothing less than miraculous for me. Just having 30 minutes to focus on something and having the break from the constant interaction is so helpful. It really has been tough for me going to one nap a day and adjusting to how much more time there is to keep Baby Z busy and still get my own chores done. Special play time couldn't have come at a better time.

As for the one nap a day, it has been an adjustment. I feel like there are gigantic spans of time to fill and find myself thinking, "It's not lunchtime yet?" Like any transition, it takes time to get used to it and adapt. I need to research more things to do with Baby Z because the park is getting a little old. It is nice, though, to have plenty of time in the morning to get grocery shopping or errands done.

Baby Z seems to be doing okay with it, although he's still not sleeping as long as I would like. When he gets two hours or so, he does well through to bedtime. However, mostly he's been doing an hour and a half (what he did before twice a day), and by the late afternoon, he starts to get crabby and difficult. It's been hard for me to give up my nap time (which I usually grabbed during his afternoon nap), and I find myself REALLY tired by 8pm or so. I still take a nap when I'm exhausted even if things get left undone. And, honestly, I should not be complaining. What adult still gets a nap every day?

So that's the update. It's good for me to focus on the positives of Baby Z growing up and the success we've had with the special play time. Lately we've been dealing with temper tantrums, so I'll save that for another day and just end on this positive note:

BZZZZZ Baby Z

Baby Z encountered a bee yesterday. He got a nice little sting right in the end of this thumb. I didn't see what happened but I think he grabbed it (while it was almost dead on the ground). I saw the stinger with it's little flesh on the end so I knew what it was right away. Poor little guy.

I checked for any trouble breathing and his crying reassured me that he wasn't probably allergic to bee stings. The pain got progressively worse as I tried to find something to scrape out the stinger. I grabbed cheap cardboard, but Baby Z wouldn't hold still enough to let me push at his finger. I rushed into the house to get tweezers although they say not to use them since you can end up squeezing more venom into the skin. But I was able to grab stinger and not venom pouch and got it out quickly.
His poor little thumb was all swollen and red.

Baby Z would calm down and then I'm sure it would throb or something and he'd start to cry again. I got him in the bath so we could keep the thumb in water (water or ice is good for it). After an hour or so it was a lot better. It was the thumb he sucks when he sleeps, so I was worried about nap time, but by then it seemed better and he sucked away no problem.

Another milestone in a child's life experienced. Baby Z was a brave little trooper. Here's a picture, although not a great one:

Day Three of Special Alone Play Time

I mentioned in my previous post that I was starting an "alone" play time with Baby Z. I did indeed by the little play yard fence and have used it four times now (didn't do it over the weekend). This is a good reminder in the lesson of persistence while training children. When adjusting a routine, it always takes several (for me, 3-4) days before things settle down and aren't so hard (read: lots of crying). It's been a while since we've made changes but here we are making two changes at once: switching to one nap a day and instituting private play time.
Today, I'm focusing on alone play time. Here's the synopsis:
Day 1: Told Baby Z it was special play time, made a big deal about the new fence. Baby Z was eager to set it up and quickly got inside. We piled in the toys and I set the timer for 15 minutes. He was excited and played for about 8 minutes and then realized he couldn't get out when he wanted. Crying for the next 7 minutes during which he dragged the entire play yard fence across the living room and reconfigured it into the space between a dining room chair and the wall. When I got him up I told him good job and reminded him that I wasn't disciplining him but it was a special time just for him.
Day 1 night: I reluctantly report the play yard experience to my husband who is anti-stuff and was skeptical of it working. He asks if I kept the receipt. I double-check.

Day 2: Again, repeated that we were doing the special play time for 15 minutes. Lots of toys, music playing. Baby Z played contentedly for the entire time, during which I cleaned the bathroom (yeah!). When time was up, I opened the play yard and he stayed in for a few more minutes.
Day 2 night: I (prematurely) report success to John and the rest of my family. But I don't throw away the box or the receipt.

...A few days in between....
Day 3: Alone play time in the afternoon this time, so I can get dinner started. Baby Z is extremely angry about this. Crying and screaming for 15 minutes (okay, maybe 13 minutes). Baby Z stomps his raisin bran snack into dust on the living room floor. The rest of the evening the slightest thing sets him off into a fit of crying. I spend a good portion of dinner-making time teaching him about self-control and disciplining him. He doesn't really calm down until I put him back in bed for 10 minutes or so. (Will have to post another time on temper tantrums. Sigh.)
Day 3 night: My husband sees the aftermath of the temper tantrum. I briefly mention in passing that the alone time set him off. We go out that night and I watch my husband take my toddler onto the beach. I think to myself that there won't be that many more times I get to see Baby Z hobbling his toddler walk alongside my husband. I resolve to enjoy as much as I can and not get too down about temper tantrums and crying fits.

Day 4: Alone play time in the afternoon again despite the thought that I could have a repeat of Day 3. I build it up lots and spend some time talking about which toys he wants in there with him. I put him in, turn on music and have been typing this blog entry since then. After about 20 minutes, I notice he is getting a little restless. I walk on over and tell him good job and "you did it!" We do a high five and then I open the play yard. Again, he doesn't immediately run out crying "Free at last!"
Day 4 night: Not sure I'll say anything to John until we've had a few more days of success. Still have the box. Still have the receipt.

To prove Baby Z is not always happy (although this was the other time he cried. ha.):

Coming Out of the Storm

I feel better! Last Friday was 13 weeks for Baby Number Two (BNT), and I'm feeing so much better. Only very occasional icky-feeling and MUCH more energy! Yeah! On this side of a very tough period, I can see how much the first trimester affected me. It was a lot like going through depression. I didn't want to do the things I usually enjoyed doing (such as playing with Baby Z or getting out of the house). I felt tired and hopeless and sad a lot of the time. I didn't have a lot of excitement or joy about BNT. And then I started to feel better. I feel more like myself. I have a sense of humor again. I like being around Baby Z.

I'm sharing all of this so that perhaps other pregnant Moms won't feel bad when they start to not like their other kids. Even my OB/GYN said the same thing, which was reassuring. And it is especially reassuring that this phase didn't last. (Although, from what I can tell, it pops back up again for a little while after the second child is born.) It's so nice to enjoy Baby Z again. We're back to having fun and I'm more patient with his toddler-ness.

I've started making lists (a sure sign I'm feeling better) and thinking about life with two kids. It looks like Baby Z is finally ready for one nap a day and now the thought doesn't make me want to cry. So, we're test driving that schedule adjustment now. I give him two naps when it suits my schedule for the day and especially on Mondays (he's always tired on Mondays) and switch to one when it makes sense.

I always said I would keep a "quiet time" for Baby Z when the morning nap dropped away, so I'm strategizing about that now. I think I'm going to buy a portable play yard fence. I think he might like the space and newness of it more than his crib. And, I can take it outside or to other people's houses when I need it. This is probably one of those products I should have bought months and months ago, but a recent endorsement from Oh Cripe finally sealed the deal. It will come in handy when I can put Baby Z in his special place (Note to self- think of cool name to give it appeal) while I feed BNT or clean up a mess or whatever. It's all about containment. Why didn't I get it sooner? Ah, well. Live and learn. I'm off to buy it right now. Seriously.

Good Lesson with a Happy Ending

Last week Baby Z and I were at a friend's house, playing in the backyard and swimming in her pool. And the moment I had thought through many times happened: Baby Z fell in. We were on the edge of the pool and I was very close to Baby Z, thankfully (now I understand why they say stay within arm's reach). Baby Z went to grab an air mattress floating on the water that was about 5 inches from the side of the pool. I said, "No, stop, let Mama help," and then he was in the pool. I got to him very quickly and plunged my arm in to grab him, while thinking through how I would dive in after him if I couldn't get him with my arm. Looking down, I saw Baby Z sinking quickly down on his back with his arms and hands raised up toward the surface. His little face was scrunched up and his eyes were closed.

I was able to reach his forearm by pushing my arm in up to my shoulder. I pulled him up and sat him on the side of the pool where he sputtered a little and started to cry. He had held his breath the whole time but he was scared, obviously. We are so thankful we've had him in swim lessons where he has learned to hold his breath. He calmed down pretty quickly, and amazingly, I was calm the entire time. It felt like this lasted 5 minutes, but my friend said the whole thing lasted probably 4 seconds.

What blew me away about this whole thing was how FAST it all happened. How quickly would he have sunk all the way to the bottom? How long before he wouldn't have been able to hold his breath? How long would it have taken me to get to him from across the pool? I am so thankful I was nearby, because, honestly, I haven't always been right next to him. God is gracious and good. And I very quickly learned the prudence of getting a fence or safety net for pools. We are looking into that now for my Mom's pool (where Baby Z spends every Friday). After telling my Mom the story, she was also quick to agree that a barrier of some kind was needed. And, the perk of it will be that she doesn't have to chase Baby Z around her back yard constantly. She'll be able to sit on a chair and watch him from, say, 15 feet away.

Falling into the pool is kind of one of those things that happens to most kids at one time or other (hopefully when they know how to swim), but as with everything else, it's an eye opener when it happens to your child. I am so extremely grateful for the lesson early on in Baby Z's life which will better prepare me and my family for what lies ahead.

Here's a recent picture, just to reassure you that Baby Z is alive and smiling (Smile!):

It's Not an Alien

Had my first ultrasound of baby number two today. It was very reassuring to see the little one moving around in there and his/her heart beating. Of course every logical thought tells me I'm pregnant, but, I sure like some proof. I know, what did I think it was? An alien? Well, it might look a little like an alien at only 2 inches big, but it's a baby. (The technician assured me of that. Smile.)
Remembering back to my experiences last time with Baby Z, it rekindled in me the joy of having a child, instead of just thinking about how sick I feel. There isn't the same euphoria this time as with Baby Z, but there is a reassuring regularity of everything. Oh yeah, I remember my hips hurting last time. Oh yeah, the baby moves around in there but I can't feel it yet. Oh yeah, there will be a time where I feel better and it's actually kind of fun to be pregnant.
So, thank you B.N.T. (Baby Number Two) for the encouraging wiggles and flips today. We've got a ways to go, but I'm looking forward to meeting you. I'll do my best to fatten you up before then. :)

It's Just a Phase

Ask any Mom what difficulties they might be going through with their kid(s), and you're likely to hear the words, "It's just a phase." However, it seems to be a curse of motherhood that any previous phase seemed minor and temporary while the current phase seems excruciating and endless. People are generally encouraging and try to be helpful during your current struggle, by reminding you it won't last. I remember when I was trying to switch Baby Z from bottle to sippy cup and someone told me, "he won't be drinking from a bottle when he's 18." This is a well-meant remark intended to give perspective. In the moment, at least for me, it doesn't help in the slightest to think about when your 1-year-old will be 18. You already feel like the last year has been the longest of your life.

I'm currently in full swing in the toddler phase. Everything from the fierce independence to the clingy Mommy-neediness. Some days it feels like everything is a struggle. Changing diapers, washing hands, going inside when it's time, all of these things become battles in the War of Toddlerhood. Then, when I have the opportunity for a break from my precious little one, there is an emotional crying bout as I leave. This includes putting him to bed most nights.

Before I sound like I'm complaining (okay, so I really am), I wanted to write about what my good friend Ann calls the death plunge. You know how it goes. There are a few weeks of easy going and then some road bump or struggle pops up. This is especially true with babies. Things change so quickly that the "progress" of one week seems like eons ago when the following week "regression" takes hold. I remember that it felt like every time Baby Z took two steps forward he took one step back. Unfortunately, it's easy to get caught up in the one step back and project it ad infinitum (i.e., when your child is 18). Suddenly, the whole future seems bleak. You're convinced things will never change and you'll be (fill in blank) feeding your baby at 3am, struggling with nap times, pushing for sippy cups forever. This is the death plunge. The leap from the realm of reality and perspective to the doomsday despair of no hope.

All I can say is we have to remind ourselves, however we can, that it really is a phase. Things really do change. At this point, with Baby Z at 20 months, I should have lots of faith in this fact. However, I admit I've been doing a bit of the death plunge myself this week. So this is my pep talk to myself. Things will change. Enjoy the ride. If you're always waiting for the phase to be over, you miss the joy of the phase. And, really, there is joy in every phase. You just have to find your sense of humor. For example, last night, while I was trying to get dinner on the table (and I'm starving, mind you), Baby Z climbed onto the dining table chair and proceeded to unscrew the tops of the salt and pepper shakers and dump them ALL over. Last night, it felt like the world was going to end. This morning, I kind of wish I took a picture.

Farewell death plunge!

Top Ten Of Being Pregnant

I said in the past I would post sometime on what I like about being pregnant. This seems a good time to focus on the positive, so here it goes:

10. Pulling out a second wardrobe you haven't worn in years, or shopping for new clothes. Admittedly this gets old toward the end, but it's fun at first.
9. Using the pregnancy reason to get to the front of the line (once you're really showing). "Sorry, I really have to go; I'm pregnant, do you mind?" "Oh boy, I'm starving. I'm pregnant- do you mind if I jump to the front of this buffet line?"
8. Rubbing your belly (more in the third trimester time frame). It just feels good - to your belly and to your hand. There's so much comfort in round things.
7. Great hair (mine gets thicker and fuller) and nails (strong and grow like crazy).
6. Smooth skin. By far the best skin I ever have when I'm pregnant. And don't forget that "glow."
5. The occasional euphoria (at least I had it last time toward the end) and excitement of having a new person coming to your family.
4. Not having a period, including cramps, for 9 plus months.
3. Any of the special pampering afforded to a pregnant lady, from refilling your drink for you so you don't have to get up off the couch to taking care of chores or other kid(s) for you so you get a break.
2. Really enjoying food (after the first trimester).
1. Feeling like there is a special someone with you all the time that no one knows yet but you.

I would love to hear about others' top likes about being pregnant. I will refer back to this on the discouraging days.

Why Don't We Say One Year and Two Thirds?

Today is Baby Z's 20 month birthday. It might soon be time to drop the "Baby" in Baby Z, but I think I'll wait for another baby to usurp the title. Anyway, I just wanted to do a baby book entry on my little guy. I've been reminded recently how easy it is to forget all the little things Baby Z does. So, I'm including a few pictures of his favorite things.

Baby Book Record - July 19, 2008 - 20 months old

Development: Pulls toys behind him while walking. Runs. Can point to his nose, ears, head, hair, foot/shoe. Climbs onto and down from furniture. (The following picture is the result of a recent climb onto the dining room chair, which then slid away from the table. Baby Z was left suspended, like you would see in a cartoon, with his hands on the table and his feet on the chair. He fell before I could get to him.)

Pushes cars and makes a Bbbbrrr noise. Can climb up the chain and bar ladder at the park and goes down the slide by himself.

Feeds his stuffed animals food or his sippy cup. Follows commands like "Can you throw that away for Mommy?" and "Put that back, please."

Language: Mama, Dada, Hi, Bye, AwBoom (All done), Dodeedo (dogs or other animals), Uh oh, Wawer (Flower)

Sign Language: All done, more, thank you, please, no, bye, pray, change or diaper, help, bath, key, hot, brush teeth, fish (makes a soft "pa" sound opening and shutting his mouth like a fish), music, hat, trash can or throw away, wash or water, phone, apple (puts his hands to his mouth and makes a smacking sound- someone out there taught him that one, I think. Any aunties or uncles want to 'fess up?). Italics = Ezekiel sign language: consistent "natural" signs Ezekiel made up, not American sign language.

Favorite things to do:
Play in Dada's truck:


Push a 5-gallon bucket around the yard:

Throw things in the trash (after which he slaps his hands together, like "well, that was a job well done"). Look at his book of animal pictures. Play football with Dada- Dada hands off to Baby Z, Dada goes long, Baby Z throws it to him (he has surprisingly good aim). Turning on lights and fans.

Favorite foods: dried bananas, cheerios with bananas and milk, bread, raisins, raisins, raisins


Favorite books: "Little Engine That Could" (a shortened toddler version), "Where's My Teddy," "God Made Me Nose to Toes," "Brown Bear, Brown Bear."

Schedule: Up at 8am (although wakes up usually between 7:30 and 8am), two naps still (but fading fast), going to bed around 8:30pm. Has started to strongly protest when we put him to bed at night, but doesn't cry that long. He does this performance only for Mom and Dad, of course.

When Getting Off The Couch Is Too Much

Of course, after posting some inspiring words for myself yesterday, I proceeded to have one of the hardest days of early pregnancy so far. Besides feeling exhausted, I had bad stomach aches and pain all day. I think it was something I ate that turned especially nasty on the slow-moving intestines of a pregnant lady. (Sorry it that's too much information.)

I did a lot of laying on the couch and floor. I had Baby Z bring books to me on the couch. He would point to an object or animal and I would tell him what it was. I also put him in his crib early for his afternoon nap with some toys and he played pretty quietly for a while (a mighty work of God- let me tell you). Baby Z's getting early training now that I can't always come with him somewhere when he wants something. I want to tell him- just wait until your baby brother/sister gets here!

The apex of the day was when the tree-trimmer guy showed up and needed cash instead of check. The thought of packing up Baby Z into the car and simply going to a drive-thru ATM was too much. I called John sobbing. My amazing husband came home from work (with cash) and handled the tree-trimmer and I went to bed. He also took Baby Z outside and kept him occupied so that it would be quieter for me. I woke up feeling a little better and we made it through the rest of the day.

The stomach pain has passed so I'm back to being just tired and a little queasy. I guess the Lord showed me that it could be so much worse. So, I'm thankful for His "mighty works" in getting me through yesterday. And I'm thankful for the moderate fatigue and queasiness today. (Never thought I'd say that!)

Stay Away from Meribah

I haven't been posting much lately because all I would write is complaints. I don't have much of the excitement I had during the first pregnancy to help me through the tough first trimester.

I was reading Psalm 106 last night which talks about all the ways God helped the Israelites with "might acts" and yet the Israelites continued to grumble and complain. Here God has given our family an amazing gift and all I can focus on is that I feel tired and sick to my stomach. I want to focus on God and His strength during this time. I want to be grateful and dependent on Him. So, pardon me if I write a little less; and pray for me because it probably means I'm focusing on the wrong things.

As for practical matters, my faithful friend, OverThinker, reminded me that I should give myself a break while I'm not feeling well. I wasn't really thinking of this as a phase of physical sickness, like I had the flu or something. When I switched to thinking of it that way, I realized I could make easier dinners (or not make it at all), let the housework go if I need to, sit on the couch while Baby Z plays. It also helps remind me that this "sickness" will pass. And at least we get a beautiful new member of our family, Lord willing, out of this sickness. Much better than what the flu gives you.

I'll end with this from Psalm 106:
"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.
Who can proclaim the mighty acts of the Lord or fully declare his praise?"

Glow

I think my poor husband was looking for any sign that I might be feeling better. Living with a tired, nauseous woman cannot be that fun. As he kissed me goodbye Friday morning (I was already up and ready to go to work myself), he looked at me and smiled.

He said, "You're glowing!"

I said, "It's a new blush."

It is a good blush.

Not Feeling Great

Lately I've been pretty tired. My mind's a little hazy. I'm clumsy. I've unexpectedly crumbled at touching moments on television or in a book. I almost knocked over a woman at the mall with our stroller (yes, on purpose). Finally, I feel like throwing up most of the time.

Have you figured out my "sickness" yet?





Yep. We are excited to be expecting another kiddo. Right now, though, I mostly just feel like poop. Huge props to the ladies out there who are pregnant and not complaining too much. I'll try to follow your example.

If Every Day Could Be Like This

This morning Baby Z was a joy and pleasure. He was calm and played by himself most of the morning. The couple of times he got whiney, I reminded him to calm down and be patient and he did calm himself down. I only had to discipline him once for not obeying. I was able to do some chores and then still had time to sit down and play with him. It was fantastic.

If every day was like this... but then I guess I would be waiting for the day when he was completely perfect: didn't disobey once, cleaned up his own toys, changed his own diaper and so on. Smile. Anyway, I'm just thankful for this morning. It's nice to remember that not every day is really difficult. The last week or so has been pretty tough. I think it was little bit of reigning Baby Z in after a weekend away with grandparents. It has reminded me how important it is to be consistent with discipline. It really is better for all of us.

I'm going to go grab some down time while Baby Z is napping. My crabby, willful toddler may return this afternoon.

UPDATE AT 1:30 PM.
My regular toddler is back. While cleaning up in the kitchen I hear the sound of water pouring onto the floor. Pee? Oh, no! No. Just a little Sierra Mist fizzing onto the floor. Innocuous but oh, so sticky. Then, while I'm cleaning that up, I hear furtive, quiet movements in the kitchen. Sure enough, Baby Z is crouched in the corner with a spray bottle of cleaner. He has the good sense to say all done and hand it to me. Then, as a parting shot, he pulls the roll of paper towels I left dangling over the edge of the counter in my hurry and manages to get a nice flag of 3 or 4 paper towels before I can sever the connection. Welcome back, Baby Z.

Happy 4th of July

Happy Independence Day, everyone! It feels a little like every other day in which I think, what am I going to do with the little dude all day? How many hours can one spend at the park? Hm. Well, at least we are going to Grammy's this afternoon and will do some swimming. Then John and I get to go to a friend's BBQ sans Baby Z for a couple hours.

Thinking back to a year ago, I remember I was slightly panicked that Baby Z didn't get a good early afternoon nap because we were out and about visiting friends and celebrating. I also remember that I actually had a moment of realization that the special days, where the routine wasn't exactly the same, were the days I would remember in the long run. And so it is true!

Wishing you all a not-exactly-routine day of celebrating!

Booster Shot

I'm in full post-vacation blues mode. We had such a FANTASTIC weekend away. It was so relaxing and wonderful. We had really great food and our hotel room was perfect. We had two awesome mornings of surfing, when it was just me and John in the water - my perfect surfing dream come true. We had tons of time to talk without interruptions. Sigh. It was SOOOO nice.

It was refreshing and reassuring to be together all weekend and remember how much we enjoy each other. Once a kid comes along, sometimes you have to go on faith that you still like each other. It's not that you're not getting along; you're just getting along. You know what I mean? It's not easy to find time for a good conversation or even time focused on one another. Even when you have a date, sometimes you're both so tired, you're ready to veg out. Or, you spend the whole time catching up on day-to-day stuff and you don't talk about the other things that keep your relationship interesting- like ideas and dreams.

So, I'm extremely grateful for the time we had away together. A huge thank you to those who watched Baby Z and made it possible for us to go. It was a huge booster shot for our relationship. Here's to hoping it won't be another 10 years before we get to do it again. But if it is, we'll keep plugging away on faith and vitamins (dates) in the meantime.

Decade

This weekend is John and my 10-year wedding anniversary. A decade. And I couldn't have asked for anything more in those 10 years. Every year I have a companion who is more and more the person I love the most and the one who loves me most. Not only have we learned more about each other over the years, we still really like each other in spite of that. Smile. No, seriously, I feel so blessed to have someone who loves me in all my weakness (and strength). John inspires me to the be the best version of myself, although I'm still not converted to a morning person. (Sorry, hon.)

We are going away this weekend on a mini-break, leaving Baby Z behind with grandparents. I'm so excited to have so much time with John without distractions. I'm also very excited about eating meals at a leisurely pace and not thinking about getting home by the next nap time. We are going to go surfing, rent bicycles, eat well and take naps. All of this with my favorite person in the whole world.

Diaper Duty

I'm reading James Dobson's book "Bringing Up Boys," and in it he says his father once said about an energetic toddler, "If you let that kid get bored, you deserve what he's going to do to you." Here is an example of a slightly unsupervised toddler finding his own entertainment.

Yesterday, after I dropped a baking dish with two pieces of salmon and splattered teriyaki sauce ALL over the kitchen, John and I finally settled down to a nice meal (salvaged smushed salmon off the floor). We were letting Baby Z play because he already had to sit in his high chair through the clean up process. Anyway, things were suddenly very quiet. Uh oh. Here is what we found:

Proud of himself


Slightly chagrined?


The best part is Baby Z actually started to put the diapers back into the cabinet. It was very sweet. He is all about imitating his parents actions right now. And I think I may have deciphered a new phrase of his: "buddy dup." I think he might be saying, "Put it up!" Hee hee. Guess he hears that a lot?

Splash Splash

We started Baby Z in swim lessons a few weeks ago. It's a Parent and Me class with a maximum of 5-6 kids in a class. We heard great things about the school so we started out with lots of optimism. When we visited there were kids in the class diving for rings at 2 years old.

Although I knew Baby Z was going to be a little nervous and I expected some crying, I didn't expect crying for pretty much the entire lesson for two lessons in a row. I also didn't expect a children's swim instructor to be so visibly disturbed by the crying. Bless her heart, she tried, but she was obviously very uncomfortable which didn't make parent or child any more comfortable. Anyway, as much as I felt uneasy about the whole situation, I was willing to keep at it, thinking that it would get better with time.

By the third lesson, we had changed our strategy. I would no longer attend the lessons and it would be just John and the little dude. (This is after the instructor very politely asked me to leave at the previous lesson because Baby Z kept saying his magic word that usually gets him what he wants: Mama.) By the providence of God, our usual instructor wasn't there and one of the managers was teaching the session. Also providentially, no other kids showed up so it was basically a private lesson!

The new instructor was obviously more experienced (this is all based on reports from John since I wasn't there. Ahem.), and after hearing of the tearful previous lessons he said that they would take it slow and just work on getting Baby Z comfortable. It took some time and effort but slowly Baby Z started to relax and have fun. My husband is exceptional at having fun and he worked really hard to get Baby Z to loosen up. They eventually did all of the same activities for learning, but this time Baby Z was mostly willing to try and was not screaming.

At one point they put the kids on a gigantic whale kick-board kind of thing and have the kids splash and blow bubbles and such. The instructor and my husband were going at it like it was the most fabulous thing on earth to be doing. Then when they asked Baby Z to do it, he politely shook his head, No. Again they tried with all of their persuasive power to show Baby Z how FUN it was. Polite shake of the head, No. The instructor turned to John and said, "Wow." John replied that he didn't think Baby Z was highly susceptible to peer pressure. :)

So we are all excited to practice our swimming this summer; thankfully, my Mom has a pool, so that's helpful and fun. Already I can see how much more comfortable Baby Z is in the water. He's holding his breath pretty well and was willing to step off the ledge of the jacuzzi to come to me yesterday. Yeah! Hurrah for patient daddies and good swim instructors!